Emma Mei

A few nights ago my sister called to let us know that they have had to terminate their adoption process due to the increased wait times and loss of net worth due to the stock market. We are all so very sad but we know that God has reason we cannot comprehend. My sister and her family are taking it very well and are seeing the blessings God has provided already, rather than dwell on their loss. This is so wonderfully positive and I am very proud of them.

I was so excited about little Emma and am very sad. She was already real to me, despite the fact that she was most likely not conceived yet. I have always had such an abundance of love for my nephews, I was ready to pass some of it to a niece. But I am still thankful for my sweet nephews and be happy for what we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have, just like Paula and Mark.

I have always had a special place in my heart for my nephews. While I love them all dearly, I love them all differently and have special feelings for each of them. When the first came along, I was so proud. I was only 13 years old when he came into our lives. That's what happens when your sister is 9 years older and gets married young! I was no longer the baby of the family and for once, I had someone to take care of instead of being the one cared for. Paula was so good about treating me the same as everyone else. She showed trust in me by letting me do the "motherly" things like feeding, changing, etc. when they visited. To me, this shrunk the gap between us in a way. I was "Aunt Manda," not a pesky little sister too young to be a part of anything. I loved Zachary so much and probably would have smothered him with love if he had let me. But he was independent from the minute he was born. When I got to talk to Paula after he was born, I couldn't say anything because I couldn't quit crying tears of joy. She probably thought I was crazy! I loved that little baby before ever seeing him. He was my first nephew, sweet, independent, and adorable beyond words.

The next little boy has been special to me in so many different ways. I was blessed to be staying with Paula when he was born. I had come to babysit for Zachary, (see? my sister showed me love in ways I never noticed before!), he had just turned 2 years old. I was keeping him while Paula and Mark had a night out alone before the new baby came and was going to keep Zac the next day while they went for checkup at the doctor. Paula and Mark had their night out, then their appointment, and then went to breakfast. Then they came home and both of them didn't say a word when they came home and just started cleaning up really fast. I thought they were trying to tell me I'd made a mess and they were upset. Then I saw Paula's stomach contract, asked her if she was ok and she said, "We're getting ready to go the hospital; the baby might be coming." WHAT?! I had never been around someone who was about to have a baby! All I knew was what I'd seen on TV - dramatic speeds to the hospital, water breaking, excitement, and rushing around. Paula and Mark weren't even talking to each other! I couldn't believe it! I think they didn't tell me what was going on until they had to because they knew I would freak out - which I did....kinda.

So we were off to the hospital and Mark instructed Paula to reset a timer on their van every time she had a contraction so that we could see how far apart they were. It was so funny to watch their interactions. Paula kept forgetting the timer and the clock would read 10, 12, or more minutes and Mark would say, "Are you really having contractions? Do we really need to go to the hospital?" which would crack me up. He's a pretty funny guy but I'd never want him to know I thought so. :o) Once at the hospital, they wouldn't admit Paula right away because she wasn't quite ready so they made her walk. That just wouldn't do for her. She found a nook in one of the hallways and did some of her aerobic exercises. Before she became pregnant, she was an aerobics instructor at the YMCA and still did pregnancy aerobics. It was hilarious watching a full term pregnant woman in a hospital gown and tennis shoes try to speed up her delivery by "working out."

Anyway, after hours and hours in the hospital and the arrival of our mom, Paula had a precious baby boy. He was so tiny. Everyone wanted to see how Zachary would react to a new baby in the family and his reaction was priceless. He just laid his little head on Ryan so softly and carefully with a sweet smile and accepted the new one as his brother. Much later, after being home for awhile, Zachary would also try to show his love to his brother by attempting to feed Ryan some of his pop-tart. Too funny. From the time he was a tiny baby, Ryan has shown a sweet, cuddly nature with a tendency to be the "ham" in the room. So different from the first and loved in different ways.

I wasn't there for the arrival of my third nephew who is my other sister's son. I have less memories of him as a baby but have gotten to spend more time with him as a little boy than the others. He was a small little baby with hardly an inch to pinch. He was so cute but very much a mama's boy. If mom was around, he didn't want anyone else. This was great for Olivia because since she was a child, all she wanted to be was a mother. In fact, when I was about 5 years old, there was a fire in our dishwasher and my mom called the fire department and told us all to get outside. Paula made sure I was out with her, and then out came Olivia with all of her baby-dolls. They were her kids and she was going to save them. The fire turned out to be nothing more than a wooden spoon that had fallen on the element of the dishwasher and we were all safe - baby dolls and all. So when Olivia had a real baby of her own, she treasured every minute of it. He's a smart little boy who likes to be in the middle of things where the action is. He doesn't like being left out of anything. Perhaps this will be a valuable attribute in his future.

I love my nephews so much that when they were really little, I thought I could never love anyone more. I've been told that when I have my own, I will have a love for them that is unmeasurable. If that is true, my own kids are going to be loved beyond what I could ever imagine because I've loved my guys before they were even born. And though I am sad I won't have a little girl from China as a niece, I sure am thankful I've had 3 wonderful and precious nephews.