Blogging absence

It has been quite some time since I wrote last. My absence is due to multiple reasons. Firstly, student teaching has been consumed most of my time. During my first placement the actual teaching was much easier but I had to complete what is called the Teacher Work Sample which was horrific. In short, it was a 54 page paper proving I understand the method of teaching. I finished that and scored a 3 which is the highest can be scored and it was very difficult so I am not ashamed to say I am proud of myself. It was a lot of work that I would never, ever want to have to do again and I feel is quite an accomplishment.

Although I didn't have to worry about the TWS in my second placement of student teaching, the placement itself has been quite a bit more trying. I love the students and the courses I am teaching but I don't fit in well with the grown-ups. We get along but we have very different teaching methods and ideas. I have learned a great deal, specifically that where you teach is very important because personality is a factor. It has been a good learning experience, just trying in a way that I did not expect. Thankfully, I have only have 9 more school days before I am done!!!! And only 28 days until graduation!

When I put up that countdown on my blog wall a year ago, it seemed like the number would never go down. And now, I can't believe I'm actually almost done! It is wonderful, exciting, and scary all at the same time. Being a December graduate is already a disadvantage to finding a teaching position but even more than that, the economy is definitely impacting the availability of jobs. As of last week, there were no positions available in the districts around where we live. But, if I have learned anything, it is to remember that God is in control and He will provide.

Another reason I have not posted in so long is that I was really sick for several weeks. I developed a bad kidney infection and had to go through 3 rounds of antibiotics before it healed. And as if that were not enough, immediately following, I got the flu. And I even had the flu shot this year! I ran fever for 6 solid days and was miserable. I feel for anyone who is suffering with the flu because there is nothing that seems to bring comfort. If you lay down, you cough. If the fan is on, you cough. If the fan is off, you sweat. But even worse than having the flu was having to miss visiting some family in the Dallas area. I was really looking forward to seeing them but could not because I felt so terribly, and would not because I didn't want to get them sick. Hopefully we will all be able to visit soon.

This has been a trying semester, but then again, I don't remember when I've had an easy semester. I don't think that it exists. Other than sickness and regular student teaching duties, I have also been dealing with personal, family issues. These issues continue to arise in my life and I used to long for days when I would no longer be plagued with such problems but I have come to accept that they are part of my life. They are part of who I am whether I like it or not. But even though I know I will always have to live with what has happened, I pray that eventually life will not come to a screeching halt whenever someone decides they need to react in one way or another. I also hope that some day I can serve a purpose in the lives of those who have been made to suffer in the same way as myself. In addition, perhaps someday I will be able to talk freely about myself without feeling judged or uncomfortable. I know there is no day but today, but sometimes there are things too painful to think on in the moment. No matter what the case, God will never leave us comfortless. In that promise I will build my foundation.

Less than one hundred....

...is how many days are left before I graduate! It is incredibly monumental. I have had that countdown up for quite some time and the days are slowly dwindling. Then again, I'm already halfway through my first student teaching placement so maybe time is not moving so slowly.

I have applied for graduation and entered my name exactly how I want it to appear on my diploma. That moment gave me a chill of excitement. I had already decided what I wanted on my diploma but I wanted to make completely sure of my choice before I entered and pushed the final submit button. After I did that, there would be no going back.

It may seem strange that I had problems deciding what I wanted on my diploma. I mean, your name is your name. It doesn't change on a whim. Well, maybe some people's do but mine doesn't. Anyway, my legal name is my first name, Amanda, followed by my middle name and my married last name of Deardorff. When I got married I completely dropped my maiden name legally. So logically, my legal name would appear on my diploma. It is my name after all. However, I completed over half of my college career with my maiden name. It was actually the most difficult half due to family problems and personal issues. In those years I feel I gained the most "life knowledge." I struggled with school, had to drop out a few times, and went back while overcoming major difficulties. When I got married, I took on new struggles but really, without having already overcome so much, I would have never been able to deal with the troubles during the second half of my college life. I also feel it is important to honor my parents, especially my mother, who has pushed so hard for me to complete my degree and helped me gain a foothold in the world of education. When I got married, while she was happy I found someone so wonderful who made me so happy, she commented that she was sorry that none of her children would graduate college with their maiden name, which of course is also her name.

So here is what I am getting at. I decided that my diploma should have both my maiden and married last names. I have omitted my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name. Just for my diploma, that is. And for when I become a famous writer. I think I'll use it as a pen name. :o)

This may not mean a whole lot to anyone but it is symbolic for me and hopefully for my mother as well. I want to honor what she has done for me. The fact that she has overcome a lifetime of troubles so that I might have a better life is not lost on me. And hopefully my children can say the same thing about me someday.

I cannot wait for graduation....have I said that yet? :o)

Well, I successfully completed 2 weeks of student teaching and I am still alive and well. I have really begun to feel comfortable at Brenham Junior High, which is something because there was a time in my life, and not too long ago mind you, that I didn't feel comfortable anywhere. I really like my students, my teacher has let me teach quite a bit so far, and the other teachers have welcomed me nicely. I've caught myself wishing that I didn't have to move up to the high school in October. I would have never expected to like junior high so much! That just goes to show that you never know until you try something whether you'll like it or not!

As much as I like going to school, I am so glad for this three day weekend. My house needs some serious attention. Yesterday I planned to get started but we all know about best laid plans. Pretty much all I got done was my classwork for my PE class. Oh boy, let me tell you about that.

Last weekend Steven and I went to Houston to celebrate our 3 year anniversary. Ok, we went to celebrate and so that I could go to the orientation of my online PE course (i know...PE online, I'm ashamed) which was at the Lone Star College campus in North Harris Co. I think the school used to be called North Harris Comm. College. Anyway, the last credit I need before I graduate excepting my student teaching is PE. Let me explain... I tried to take the class at SHSU some years ago but it was an 8:00 AM class, I had another class at 9:00 across campus and it was taught by a guy who had bricks for brains. All he could talk about the first day was how "ripped" his muscles were and his football stats. I already had an aversion to PE because of traumatic junior high days and this guy was dumb. So I dropped the course. And every semester following, classes that were way more important conflicted and honestly, I do not understand going to a class so worthless three times a week for one hour of credit. I have had to work my way through college and my time is valuable. Last Spring I tried to take PE online through Lone Star but we couldn't afford the class at the time. So here I am, at the end of my college career, needing a PE credit.

So I enrolled in this online class and found out you have to go three times in the semester, one orientation day, one pre-fitness test, and the real fitness test. Ok, I had heard about the fitness exams at SHSU. You walk or run a mile, just however long it takes you, as long as you do it, you are ok. WELL -- Lone Star takes the same class, for the same credit, MUCH more seriously. Boo.... By December I have to walk 3 miles in 36 MINUTES. Um...excuse me? Coach Bricks-for-Brains was looking pretty good when I heard about that. This is how I look at it:

1/3 of me wants to complain and moan about how unfair it is that this class which is supposed to be the same credit is so much harder. Lone Star and SHSU work together on this. They are partners. Why then are the classes so different! It isn't fair!

Another 1/3 says - this is what you get for waiting so long and now you have no other option so suck it up.

And the last 1/3 says, hey, this is a good opportunity to get yourself together and start a real exercise routine. I have been so busy and am so tired when I get home from school that I just crash. But my hours are never going to get any better. I am now working the hours I will work as a teacher. So being forced to work towards this crazy goal of 3 miles in 36 mins, can be a good thing. I had to do an initial health profile that included my weight (yuck) and I found out that I had lost 10 lbs in three weeks before even starting the exercise. So that was also an encouragement. I just really hate working out. I am not athletic, I am not coordinated, and I always feel out of place. But we have a nice walking trail around our apartment complex that I walked this week and it wasn't too bad. I turned on the Beatles on my MP3 and started walking. I'll try to update about how I'm doing. So far I am only walking 1/2 a mile in 20 mins. I have a long way to go.

So since I had to go to that awful class last weekend in Houston, Steven and I used the opportunity to celebrate our anniversary. Some of our family had suggested using Priceline - Name your own Price and I am so glad we did. We stayed at the Intercontinental Hotel for less than we would have paid to stay at a LaQuinta or another regular hotel. It was so nice!!! We went to the Downtown Aquarium on Saturday after my class and had a fancy dinner to celebrate and then went to the Houston Museum of Natural Science the next day. Since Steven had never been to the museum and I hadn't been since I was a kid, we skipped the special exhibits and just saw the main hall. I'm really glad we did that because the special exhibit was the Terracotta Warriors of China, which I am definitely interested in but it cost $30 a person to get in! Just to that one exhibit!!!! So we opted for the main hall, the planetarium, and the IMAX. I was looking forward to seeing the IMAX because we chose to see "Under the Sea." It was a really awesome film but I was a bit disappointed. I understand that we need to treat the earth with respect and not pollute the ocean. But I really just wanted to see some cool marine life. Instead the last half of the film we were preached to about how the evils of men have ruined the oceans. I get it, we ruin everything. I've switched from bottled water to a tap filter. I turn off my lights when I leave the room. Could I please just enjoy these beautiful ocean creatures?! Does HALF of the film need to be about pollution? The film was called "Under the Sea" not "The Sea which is Disappearing Because YOU are Polluting It." I find it very ironic that they would show that film and then you walk 20 feet to the oil and natural gas exhibit where they talk about how beneficial Houston's oil production is to the world. Ok...end of rant. You get the idea.

Overall we enjoyed our trip so much. We hadn't been away by ourselves since our honeymoon to Kemah three years ago! Every time we've been anywhere it was to visit family so this was really a great things for us. It was a good refresher and great to be away from the daily grind. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. He has changed my life in so many ways.

In other news, (my, this post is long - I should probably post more frequently), Mema is not doing so well. She has been in and out of the hospital quite a bit and cannot walk without someone being there to help her - even with her walker. She is really weak. Her dementia is much worse and her eyesight and hearing are not great either. But she still remembers when it is time for medicine or coffee without fail!

Daddy had another MRI a few weeks ago because he has had some new pain in his neck and arms recently. He went to see the neurologist and unfortunately there is nothing that can be done. The damage to his spinal cord is too extensive. The new MRI shows that at one point in his neck, the cord is severed over halfway through from the front, back, and one side. The doctor has recommended a power chair for him because any more surgery they may do would not be helpful. When I talked to him this week he was in good spirits which is a blessing. He has come a long way in a short period of time.

I guess I'll end this incredibly long post. I love to blog and I probably should more often. A writer must write, or at least that's what I've been told. :o)

Everyone have a good Labor Day! I'll be cleaning because my mom always told us Labor Day was for laboring. Her dad always told her that so I guess I'll keep up the tradition despite its historical inaccuracies!

Reflections of Summer

Tomorrow is my first day of student teaching. My first placement is with an 8th grade US History class and my second placement is with a 9th grade Geography class. For the past week and a half I have been enduring hours of orientation, last minute reminders, meetings with supervisors and mentors and finally, a real life faculty meeting at the junior high. I am beyond excited! Not only does this mean I am at the beginning of the end of my college career, I am almost a real life teacher! I am ecstatic!

So far, my experience with the junior high has been wonderful! I really like my mentor and the other teachers in the department. They were all very encouraging and nice. One of the greatest things that happened with my mentor is that she asked what I wanted to do after graduating. I told her honestly - "FIND A JOB!" I explained to her that Steven has so patiently waited for me to graduate and has supported me through these last few years of school and now it is my turn to do the same for him. Since he wants to go to A&M, we would like to stay around here of course. Well, it turns out that one of the teachers will be having a baby over Christmas and they will need a long term substitute in the spring! When she asked if I was interested I did not hesitate to say absolutely! I have heard that long term subbing is a good way to get a job in a district. Also, it will ensure that I will be earning at least some money in case I can't find a job right away. I was so pleased! My constant prayer is that I will be successful this semester and get a job! So I will leave it in the Lord's hands and as always, He knows what I stand in need of. Obviously!!!

This summer has been a pretty good summer, all in all. I finished up at the daycare a week and a half ago - (not even one day off between work and school, thus is life!) - and I cried like a little baby. It was not so much that I was leaving the kids, although I did really like them. I only had them for the summer and we just seemed to go, go, go all summer so I didn't grow extremely attached to all of them but I did to some. I was more emotional about leaving the daycare itself. I started working at that daycare in August of 2002 when I first started college at A&M. Leaving there feels like a chapter of my life is closing, which it is. I just didn't feel the full affects of it until the day I quit. The staff gave me a really sweet card and a poem about my service to the daycare which also made me cry like a baby. That place has served a major purpose in my life. It has driven me to become a teacher, it has been a place of comfort when I felt lost, and I have made many friends there. While not all of my memories are fond (ie - unreasonable parents, explosive diarrhea, head lice, being sick every two weeks) I will recall these years at the daycare with great affection. I am very glad to have had the experience of working there, both the happy and poopy experiences!

This summer has also given me the opportunity to let go of several problems in my life. Some day I may blog about these problems in greater detail but for now, I really can't. What I can say is that I have been able to see situations and people through eyes of wisdom and experience. And I say that not to build myself up but to show how God has given me the wisdom to see things as they are and be at peace. I have changed how I place value on relationships and I have let go of things which I have no control over. I know that there will be times that I will need to be reminded of these things but all in all, I feel I have made some positive changes. I know there is a right and a wrong and it is ok to pick a side. Having compassion for someone does not mean I must agree with them and being compassionate does not mean that I do agree. I will not agree to something that is wrong. And through this summer's events, I have found confidence in being able to say that. Several years ago I could not but by the grace of God, I can now.

Now the summer is ending and school begins tomorrow. I just cannot believe it! This semester I will be teaching, taking my certification exams, writing the dreaded Teacher Work Sample, and if God will see me too it, GRADUATION!!!! I am ready!

The Death of an Oldsmobile

We had a little car
it was painted apple red
It took us near and far
But now that car is dead

With a shake and a moan
it breathed its last breath
gave one final groan
and gave in to death

We turned in that Olds
although it went bust
in a move that was bold
got a car that we trust

Its shiny and black
has air that is cold
small and compact
Good-bye busted OLDS!!!!
-AAD-

This week we learned that our Oldsmobile Intrigue was going to need a new engine. It was not worth the cost of what we were going to have to pay to have it fixed. In addition to the engine, we have been driving it for almost 4 years without air conditioning. Does anyone know what the temperatures have been in College Station, TX this month? Record highs!!!! It also had only two working windows which occasionally didn't in fact work and some cosmetic damage where someone hit me on campus but didn't leave any info. We were fine with all of the interior malfunctions, (well, maybe not the broken air conditioner) , but we could not do without a working engine. After all, that is the central nervous system of a car.

It seems that this could not have happened at a worse time but I suppose that is how these things go. The Olds was our only mode of transportation and starting in August, I will be driving 40 miles one way to student teach every day. But with some help from my parents, we have obtained a beautiful new-to-us Chevrolet Cobalt. Really it's pretty new anyway being a 2008. It's a little car, 4 cyl - so it will be good on gas, it has AIR CONDITIONING - so now I can wear my hair down to church and work, and the payments will be low which is the most important thing. We are so thankful for the help we have gotten. When I found out Monday that the Olds needed a whole new engine, I felt like the floor fell out beneath me. But God provides. And now we won't melt into puddles of Deardorff-goo every time we have to drive more than 10 miles in the 9 month long Texas summer!!!

Other than car drama, everything here is steady moving forward. I take my practice competency exam on Tuesday July 7th and will hopefully be cleared for the real one. It is really scary!!! But I will do my best which is all I can do. And I'm going to try not to stress too much over it this weekend because I want to enjoy my days off from work for 4th of July!!!

And on that note, I believe I will go sit in my new car for a few minutes and enjoy NOT getting hot in the Texas sun!!!!

HAPPY 4th of JULY!!!!!!!!

Last weekend was the first weekend in about six weeks that I actually enjoyed. The weeks have been busy, full of going and coming which has left me with little time to think. When the weekend has rolled around, I've had emotional overload because I finally had to stop and think. But this past weekend I actually felt happy, something I hadn't been able to feel in a while. And because the weekend didn't involve an emotional upheaval, I haven't had to start my week with an up-hill climb. I am so thankful for this past weekend. Perhaps many people wouldn't recognize the blessing of being happy, or even just not sad, but I do and for me, it is no small blessing. I am thankful that my family seems to be doing well, my granny is at peace, and I am at peace (for the most part).

In regards to keeping busy, I am surely busy. I am working back at the pre-school and am teaching the 5 year olds. Last week we went on 4 field trips - bowling, the movies, the Waco Zoo, and to a place called The Bounce where there are about 10 moon bounces set up for the kids to play. This week so far we have been to Gattitown and the movies, and will go to the library and the Oil Ranch in Hockley. These trips are really fun but really stressful because of the loading and unloading of the children and their seats. Getting 16 children buckled in is no easy task. Then at places like Gattitown, the zoo, and the Oil Ranch, keeping them together is a major elevation in stress levels. But it is really fun and I really like the kids. I had quite a few of them before when they were 3 years old so they knew me and I knew them, or at least the major difficulties I may face with some of them. One child in particular tends to grate on my nerves. It is not that I do not like this child but these kids are little people and adults sometimes annoy each other, as do children. Anyway, this child is constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY complaining about something. She will complain if her food touches, or there is a spot on her finger, or someone looks at her....no joke. If I had a dollar for every time she has already cried over someone looking at her, I could probably buy the laptop I want. And it's only the middle of JUNE! This child is very, very high maintenance. I pray for patience with that child every hour of every day it seems. Two more months to go!!!

Other than that, summer is going as well as can be expected at this point. It's hot but then again, I live in Texas!!! Hot is normal!!!

D-Day and inner thoughts

My blogging lately has been sporadic because there is a lot going on in my life right now and it has been difficult to find time to write. Actually, time has been limited because I have been working a lot but really things in my life have been difficult in general which have made me not want to do much of anything except come home and sleep after work. Writing is very emotional for me because it is something I love so dearly. When I write I feel I can be my true self. But in the recent weeks that has been difficult.

I learned several years ago that if one is not true to oneself, one cannot be true to anyone else. If I am not completely honest with me, then what I portray to others is a lie. The down side to that is that people may not always like who you really are. But in reality, if they don't like who you really are, are they really that important? They don't have to live with you and without them life can go on, but you always must live with yourself.

Today is the 66th anniversary of D-Day when the Allies stormed the beaches at Normandy. My grandfather, my mother's father, arrived at Normandy two days after and marched across France and into Germany. Along the way he was run over by a tank but was unharmed because he quickly flattened himself into a ditch as the tank rolled over him. Later, he and his unit were bombed in their shelter and he was sent home unconscious and awoke only after being back in the states for several weeks. I have only a few memories of my grandfather but I am so proud of the service he gave to our country. And I am thankful that God provided him a way back to health because 20 years later he adopted my mother and gave her stability and love that she may never have known.