Let me first say, my mid-term was moved to today and while it gave me more time to study, it has prolonged my stress. This is a very stressful week because 2 projects are due Friday and I have the midterm today for my senior history class. Just to add the cherry on top to my stress-sundae, my english professor decided that even though he has missed literally 50% of classes this term, we are going to have a midterm this Friday over readings we haven't even touched yet. If you've read my earlier posts about this class, you will know that I am completely dissatisfied with the course and the professor. I cannot wait until it is time for teacher reviews. Personally, I think in order to teach a college course that is being paid for by the student, the professor should have a little experience. And also, professors should be evaluated by the higher administration, just like public school teachers are. Why aren't they?
The title of this entry is about being a primitive baptist in "history school." I know, it's corny. Well, over the course of my education as a history major, at least once a semester the topic arises in class about Calvin and his TULIP doctrine. Everytime the professor has to explain predestination and "the elect." It is so hard as a Primitive Baptist to listen to someone who knows little to nothing about the subject attempt to teach it. I've never been offended by what a professor has said about it though. Usually it's what the students say that make me sad. A common thread is the question of why be good if you are predestined to go to heaven? The answer of course is that the elect are known by the fruits that they bear. In the case of early Calvinists, they felt that a few were going to heaven, but most people were hell bound. We as Primitive Baptist believe the opposite. I do at least. :)
I know it may be wrong, but I rarely speak up when we have these discussions. For one, we never talk about Primitive Baptists and as I am NOT a Calvinist, there often isn't a need to. In a lot of cases it would just cause confusion. But today a member of the class, (and the class is only 8 people so it's more of a discussion group that we get class credit for), asked if there were still people who believe in predestination. AHEM... entre - moi. The professor said not that she knew of. ACK! So- of course I had to raise my hand. I was nervous as I always am when I have to address something so personal to a group. I don't talk about our church unless people ask or I'm afforded this kind of oppurtunity. So I gave my information on the Primitive Baptist church in a very tiny, tiny nutshell that there are people who still believe in predestination, we are small in numbers, but exist we do. The professor added that it isn't mainstream though. Well of course not. She also said it evolved from the 2nd Great Awakening which isn't true and I tried to explain it but she didn't get it. But the girl who asked the question had me say the name of the church again so that she could research it which I thought was good.
I don't know why, but while the professor was lecturing about the emergence of Calvinism and the idea of Predestination, I almost started crying. I know, it sounds silly. I just got so sad because people just don't understand. The other students had the usual questions and there is always a little laughter about how silly it seems that one's actions do not impact their eternal status. All I could think of was the feeling I get when I'm sitting under the sound of spiritually blessed preaching or when I am given the blessing of singing with the saints and the spirit of God is present. Sometimes it is so hard to be so different but in this difference lies the blessing of truth, hope, faith, and love. My peers will never see life as I do, nor will they ever experience what I experience in the house of the Lord in the same way. The followers of Christ were mocked for knowing the truth. The truth will set you free. Because of that, those who are not free cannot understand your freedom and will act accordingly.
I know these are scattered thoughts and eventually I would like to sort them out. I just know that I wasn't moved to tears by the stress of my week alone. Of course I'm more emotional when I 'm tired but as anyone who has felt the spirit of God knows, He doesn't always reveal Himself to you in a church pew. I mean, excluding church meetings, we are only in a church pew 52 days a year if we attend every Sunday. 1/7th of the week is at church, which means 6/7ths of the week we are elsewhere. It seems elementary but it's the simplicity, the magnitude, the mysteriousness, the obvious ways that God works that make Him almighty. It's all of the seeming contradictions that make Him awsome.
So today I felt like the brown egg in a carton of white eggs. It's good though that I remember that I'm a brown egg and should not try to be a white egg.
