Update...

I just returned from my appointment and it's a good news/maybe not such good but not necessarily bad news situation. Makes sense right?

The good news is I have no cysts and I have healthy ovaries for once in my life. The not so good news that isn't necessarily bad news is that it could be sciatica, as in my sciatic nerve is being pinched or something of that manner. Since I was visiting my gyno, he has referred everything to my regular doctor for this issue. He also sent me for labs for a general work up just in case.

He also assured me that nothing was definite and I shouldn't worry too much at this stage but that is so hard. Anything that has to do with my nervous system or my spine, I begin to worry because of my dad. Since he became disabled, I've worried I would end up just like him. I've worried so much that I have ignored pain so that I wouldn't have to hear that my spine was twisted or I have stinosis (sp?), etc. Last year when I had the cyst I was so scared it was my back that was hurting that I lived with the pain for several months before getting it checked out. The doctor reminded me of the fact that I almost let it explode before I consulted with a doctor and I shouldn't be afraid of diagnosis. But that's really easy to say when you haven't had to watch someone deteriorate before your very eyes.

I've seen my dad go from a strong, hard working, detailed, precise man to someone who can't even remember a telephone call, who can't put on his own shoes, and who can only walk a few feet without help. I was 17 years old when I had to start putting my dad's shoes on him and helping him get dressed. That is so painful - so much so that words don't seem to capture the sorrow in my heart for the man who used to take me on roller coasters and fishing, who used to fix cars that no one else could fix, who sat and listened to Flatt and Scruggs and taught himself how to pick the banjo, who stayed up into the early morning hours with his daughters teaching the history of the church and helping them see the glory of God. I hurt for my father and at the same time fear for myself. The doctor was very perceptive to see that my father's disability has made me fearful of what could be ailing me. His advice was it is better to know than to let it get worse. Also, he reminded me that I am not my father, so perhaps I shouldn't fear every doctor visit as if it were a death sentence. And I think he's right. Again, I must remember that all things are in God's hands and prayer is a powerful connection.