A New Leaf

I made a comment in my last post about how life is constantly changing and we are always receiving fresh chances to be reborn or renewed. I feel like I'm in this position recently. And it feels wonderful!

I don't know if it's because of the book I read recently, or that I'm going back to school, or that the clouds have just lifted, but I feel like I am renewed and strengthened. Perhaps it is all of these things combined. The grace of God is undoubtedly amazing.

Last week I finish reading The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. It was amazing. I'm not going to say I agree with all that Rand brings out in this work, but like my Granny says, "Eat the chicken and leave the bones." The main message of the novel is basically, be true to yourself - and don't live for others. At first I had a really hard time with this message because I've always been taught to think of others first, help those in need, give even when I have little to give, etc. This is where I had to leave some bones. The author seems to care little for religion and the things of God. I don't know what made me think of it, but I realized, of course she would dislike religions. I do to.

Worldly religions teach followers to work hard, give, be patient, kind and honest so that one could be considered "good," atoned, and pious. But by whom? The judgement of others in this world means little to our lives and absolutely nothing in the eyes of God. What others think and feel only have power when we give them this authority. We must not live to please others but try to live in accordance with the will of God. God has granted us all special talents to live in this world. By using these talents for good in our lives, we can praise God. As far as helping others in need, giving, and thinking of others, of course we are supposed to do these things. But can you breathe for someone else? Can you think, smell, taste, love, desire for anyone else? Absolutely not. First you must live. And life can only come from God. It is not a sin to live.

Yesterday at church we heard a wonderful sermon from Elder Chris Blevins who I am blessed to call family. One of his points was that before we even draw a breath, God must first give life. To say we can work our way to grace and mercy by being pious or living a "good" life, is absurd. To even draw the breath from which we praise God, we must already be granted mercy and living in grace. Otherwise we have the cart before the horse and that's literally a "no go."

Another message in the book was that for living a life true to oneself, we will be persecuted. I do not feel it is a coincidence that I began to understand this idea fully, and then Chris preached this very thing yesterday. God does move mysteriously and this is a perfect example. It happens so often that something will be on my mind and then the preacher will preach on the very thing that has been troubling. It's a wonder that people have a hard time seeing God in their lives. But of course, we go through those times as well. Our time on the mountain means very little when we haven't been in the valley.

It is true that when one stands up for what is right, there will be people ready to tear them down. What is so amazing about the Kingdom of God is that we are not alone in our fight. Unfortunately, we often see the sinful flesh in each other instead of recognizing the Godly spirit that the children of God have. This is a problem even among blood relatives. But all we can do is pray for God to grant peace. I cannot change them because I do not live second-hand.

I suppose all of this has given me the motivation I've needed for a while. Is wonderful when God removes a burden. A heavy burden will effect every part of one's life. But once the load is lifted, you can actually take a breath. An unhindered breath in the grace of God is the sweetest feeling we can feel. Because first you must live before you can breathe.

So Steven and I used the weekend to get some things on track, mainly our home. School starts Wednesday and I have never been more ready. This isn't the first time I've returned to school, but this time it feels different. Everything feels different. And it's good.