Since beginning my job two months ago, life has been extremely chaotic. Of course, looking back over my life, chaos seems to be one of the only consistencies. None the less, the last two months have been exceptionally stressful.
Firstly, starting in the middle of the year is difficult for any teacher. The students are used to a different person, have already acclimated to each other, and have had different rules enforced. On the first day of the school year, everyone is fresh and it is a new beginning for everyone. In my current situation, I am the variable. Ideally when you have a mid-year change of teacher, the transition should take place at the semester change. I was hired mid semester. And the former teacher did not enforce rules, teach the material, or build relationships with her students. So her failures as a teacher has created an extremely difficult situation for me.
The good news is, I'm making it. And I already have some great relationships with my students. But the difficulty of retraining, building positivity between my students and me, and restructuring has been overwhelming at times. And all of that doesn't include normal teaching difficulties of a new teacher - i.e. having to create all lessons from scratch, creating new materials, teaching lessons for the first time, discovering who I am as a teacher, etc. Then adding in the normal difficulties of any teacher - i.e. students who are never prepared for anything, planning to teach multiple types of classes, teaching multiple types of students, students with disabilities, students who are so extremely rude it's a wonder they have made it this far in life, students with varying types of family life, students who have no family life, students who absolutely cannot focus on school because home life is too overwhelming, students who never turn in work and then complain that they have a "22" on their report card, students who just don't get it, parents who just don't get it, explaining what a "cultural contact zone" is about a thousand times and students still getting it wrong on the test, and so on, and so on, and so on....
At times I feel like a Stretch Armstrong because I am pulled by so many things. And yet, I was still so excited to get my renewal contract for next year. I love teaching. Our teacher coach who has helped me so much tells me several times a week, "It will never be this hard again." Hallelujah! And I believe her.
I am so grateful to have my job. I love it more than I could have ever expected. But I would caution any future teacher to think very long, and very hard about accepting a mid-year position. Have a good support system of friends and family, be ready to pray harder than you have ever prayed, and be ready to work.
The new job has made life chaotic, but life itself has crept into the realm of crazy. Two weeks into the new job, my Mema died (see previous posts), which has effected me in ways I never expected. I never knew before, but I think of her several times a day. I miss her so much. I am so thankful for the time I got to know her as an adult. I cannot stress enough how much my view of her changed in my adult years and I feel this can only be a blessing from God.
During the weekend of my Mema's funeral, my Granny (dad's mom) showed up at my parents house and was distressed about my Granddaddy. He had been ill for quite some time and she was very worried about him. It turns out, he had a massive tumor on his colon, and had to have it surgically removed. The doctors have said that it was cancerous and that he may have cancer on his liver, lungs, and/or lymph nodes. Currently, he is in a rehabilitation facility to gain the strength to begin treatments. I have always been close to my grandparents and in light of having lost one grandparent, another being this sick is quite scary. But the story continues....
While my granddaddy was in the hospital recovering from his surgery, my father was put in the hospital as well due to a UTI. My dad is disabled, has suffered with MRSA staph infection in the past and any kind of infection he has now is serious. My dad is now out of the hospital but he continues to struggle with these infections and is very weak, weaker than normal, and is doing out patient rehabilitation. And we continue.....
There are many things in my life that are not known by everyone. Ok, that statement is confusing because all people have aspects of their life that are private. Or they should at least, in my opinion. But honestly, I am not at a point where I desire to keep my experiences private and plan to write about my experiences in a book in the very near future. But how all of this is effecting my right now is that I am having to deal with the legal system, am most likely going to have to testify in court, am having so many conflicting feelings, feeling strain on relationships that have already been tested, said strain has translated to my church life, I've been called at work to deal with these issues unexpectedly, and I feel as if I may be hit by other unexpected events at any moment that will bring this house of cards falling down around me.
Therefore, I say, life has been chaotic. But still I can say, life is good. A few Sundays ago was Holocaust Remembrance Day. I say that because whenever my life gets difficult and I feel as if the world is against me, I think of Anne Frank. Despite being in constant fear of capture, hungry, weary, hated, and alone, she could say, "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." If a Jewish girl in Nazi territory could say that in the 1940's, I think there is still hope for me. Besides, God will not leave us comfortless. He is merciful.
And there is always chocolate.
8 years ago
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