CHRISTMAS EVE GIFT!!!!

Merry Christmas Eve!!! I just LOVE Christmas. Everything about it - lights, the tree, glitter everywhere, Santas all over the place, Christmas music, red and green together, sharing joy with everyone, the look on store keeper's faces when I say "Merry Christmas." It's all great. Clerks always seem surprised when I say Merry Christmas. I guess it's because people don't say it as often as they used to. Anyway, I love it. Of course, I don't love people being rude and pushy in the store, but I've found the best ways to deal with it are: #1) I don't go out during peak times so as to avoid such people and #2) When someone is rude I smile my best Christmas smile and say, "Oh excuse me, Merry Christmas." It really throws off the rude people. And then I forget them because they don't matter anyway. :o)

Ok, I'm sure you are wondering what the title of this post means. Well, it's a family tradition that I associate most with my Grandaddy Blevins because he would always call over to our house to say it. The way it goes is, if you yell "Christmas Eve gift" to someone first, they're supposed to give you a gift. But it's just in fun because I've never seen anyone actually give a gift. It's like a "get your goat" kind of thing. And if you don't understand the phrase "get your goat," well, you probably wouldn't understand anyway.

I am so excited about what I've gotten Steven, I almost want to post what it is since I'm sure he won't read this before the morning, but.....I'll resist temptation. I've been keeping it a secret for over a month so I guess I can wait one more night. The stinker already found out I was getting him a summer sausage for his stocking. I think he'll be completely surprised about his main gift though.

We both got a surprise this morning. We heard a loud knock on the door and since we had slept late, we were both still in pj's. Steven rushed to throw on some clothes but before he could get to the door, the visitor was gone. But, they left us a package! It turns out our visitor was UPS and my mom had sent us a package from a smokehouse with three kinds of smoked meats and some fancy mustards. It was a great surprise because we weren't expecting anything like that. We've never received a delivery from a holiday mailing company. She was very glad we were surprised. Thanks Mama!

Because I most likely won't post tomorrow:

Merry Christmas and Good Will To Men!!! and women.... :o)

33 hours

That's 33 hours I've been awake. No joke. I have not slept since I woke up at 6:30 Wednesday morning and now it is 3:07 PM Thursday afternoon. I am exhausted. I had so much to catch up on. I have no idea how I got so far behind. Oh wait, yes I do. I was sick for like, half the stinkin' semester, Hurricane Ike blew us all away, Daddy was in the hospital twice with emergency surgery once, Mema was in the hospital and also had to have emergency surgery, our family had some serious crises the days just before the semester started, I work and commute to school, and did I mention I am always sick?!

But now my semester is over. Unfortunately I still don't know if I'll be in methods. I've done the best I could. I was actually denied for methods, but that was bogus because they didn't have anything to go on. They can't deny me if my grades weren't reported yet. And when I asked if I had to reapply they said -"no, we'll let you know. It's not final." Well let me tell you...the denial letter got looked pretty final. So we'll see. Boo on methods. Because of all of that, I don't know if I'll have methods in the spring or have to take more regular classes. And I have no idea when I will know.

Anyway, I am exhausted and will now leave school to commute home. I've got Mamas and the Papas to keep me awake....don't worry.

oh, and PS - I had a really great birthday last weekend even though I was sick. I got a beautiful butterfly necklace from Steven with matching earrings, a really pretty nutcracker and a butterfly ornament from Olivia and Kevin, Mariel and Frank (our friends) gave me the new JK Rowling book "Beedle the Bard," and Mama and Daddy and Steven gave me a gift certificate for a spa day!!!!! I am so looking forward to that. Especially since finals are now officially over.

Research Paper

It would seem that I should have no trouble writing a paper about the Primitive Baptists for my religious history class but that is just not the case. You would think that having been raised by a preacher father, attended church for all of my (almost) 25 years, having been a member for 20 1/2 years, plus being in a family who has been Primitive Baptists for who knows how long, I wouldn't have so much trouble. However, having to back up what I inherently know is proving to be difficult. I know, I know...I shouldn't have procrastinated. But I did. Now I have to wallow in it. I think I may have to pull an all nighter. The truth is, I have never had to do this throughout college so I guess I've done ok. I was praying for enough snow to close school tomorrow so that I could at least have another day, but the weather man is against me.

Speaking of the snow, we had such a beautiful afternoon of steady snow showers. Are they called showers when it's snow? The kids at the daycare were glued to the windows in the gym today. After work, because I was the only one who had an ice scraper since my sweet husband grew up in Iowa and came equipped with one, I helped several teachers de-snow their windows. I promise there were at least two inches of snow on my car. It is just gorgeous. It steadily snowed for almost 4 hours. And real snow, not just freezing rain or snow/rain mix. It was real, honest to goodness snow. The weather man said this morning the snow fall would end before noon and that the temperatures would reach 50 degrees. Boy was he wrong! The Texas weather men just don't know how to predict cold weather. I'm not sure it even reached 40 degrees today and as stated earlier, we had 4 hours of steady snow fall. Unfortunately for me who wishes school would be cancelled, the roads weren't really accumulating any of the white stuff, just any other surface it could land on. The sign to our apartments looked beautiful. The snow was laying on the letters surrounded by Christmas lights and greenery. If I had seen it in a picture, I would never have guessed the scene was in Texas.

The forecast is that the temperatures will be close to 60 degrees tomorrow. Can you believe that? Yesterday we reach almost 80, today we don't even reach 40, and tomorrow we'll be back in the 60's. It's no wonder everyone is always sick! It sure would be nice to have a few more cold days like today. I could really get used to this. Perhaps I should move to Colorado after all!!!

While I continue to procrastinate on my paper, I might as well discuss the grades I've gotten so far. It will be a short discussion because I've only gotten one final grade. In my Literature and Film class, my last test grade was a 100. So, my final average is a 97! Since my grade is so high, and I didn't miss too many classes, I don't have to take a final. I think that was the best part. I just wish all my grades would be that high. I could still possibly make all A's. More realistically, I think I'll have at least one B. Worst case scenario is that I make two A's and two B's. Actually, the worst case scenario is that all of my teachers report my grades wrong and I make all F's. That would truly be catastrophic. But hopefully that won't happen. Knock on wood.

On another note, which now I realize I should have started with since it is so important, my dad is in the hospital. My mom took him to the doctor Monday and he has MRSA Staph infection. He had to have surgery yesterday to drain the infection and is on a machine that continuously drains the wound. He will be in the hospital at least until Friday. This infection is highly contagious and the MRSA strain can be fatal. We found out that last year at this time, they did not yet have the medication that they have now to help fight the infection. Isn't that scary? Please pray for him and my mother. My poor mom just dealt with my grandma's scary situation, and now is having to deal with this with my dad. And in reality, Mema is still not doing very well. She's at home but is not eating and still having trouble with her bowels. They are all in need of prayer.

Ok, now I really need to write my paper.

SNOW!

It snowed last night! Before I went to bed I checked the weather to see how cold it would be in the morning, and to my surprise, the radar showed snow! Not just snow/rain mix but real snow! But Steven and I thought since it had been 75 degrees that day, there would be no way it would stick. Imagine how shocked I was when I woke up to snow not just on the cars and roof, but also on the ground! It seems so strange! I don't remember getting weather like this so early in the season. When we have ice storms (which is usually what we get, not real snow), they are in January or early February. What a treat!

The roads weren't covered so school and work are all in session (boo), but at least we have a nice Christmasey look to things. I am not kidding that the weather was warm and humid yesterday at this time. I was so warm when I got to school, I didn't even finish my coffee because it was making me too hot. I guess it's true - If you don't like the weather in Texas, wait five minutes!!!!

Free Lance Writing

Does anyone know anything about free-lance writing? I looked some things up on the internet and found companies that pay per article. If these things are for real, I think it could be really good extra income for us. Plus it could open the door for a career in writing. Every company I've looked at request a writing sample. Most of what I've written are school papers and I don't know if that would be appropriate.

Anyone know anything about this?

What a great holiday!

I hope everyone had a great holiday! I know we did. We enjoyed the visit from our family from North Texas so much. They are so much fun, the time just flew by. I was so glad they were able to come and I look forward to another visit really soon!!! -- That is, I hope we get another visit really soon!!!

I always have so much fun cooking for Thanksgiving. This year I made a turkey, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, devilled eggs, gravy, and pumpkin pies. I had never made pumpkin pies but I think they turned out ok. I should have taken pictures of everything but I always forget. Oh well. It was good for the moment at least.

After everyone left, Steven and I went back to the Ren Fest since we had gotten free tickets from a friend. It was really nice just to go alone and take our time. We had originally hoped to be able to go on Friday after Thanksgiving to see one of my oldest friends, (that is, known the longest - she's younger than me!), Georgia, but we were not going to pass up spending time with cousins we don't get to see often. Well, it turns out, Georgia didn't get to go on Friday like she planned so she went Saturday when we did. It was so great to see her! I've missed her so much. We used to be inseparable. If anyone would have told me ten years ago that there would come a time that I would go a year without seeing her, I would have laughed. But now, we have grown up lives that keep us apart. The greatest thing about kindred spirits is that when we reunite, time has no bearing. Those kinds of friends are few and far between.

Our holiday was so wonderful, it's just terrible to have to get back to the daily grind. Actually, it's the daily grind plus some. There are only three more class days before finals and I have loads, tons, MOUNTAINS, of work that must be done before the end of next week. SIGH. I know there is no day but today but sometimes I wish I could hit fast forward. Like to graduation! :o)

I am thankful for...

* My husband who has changed my life for the better in every way.
* Knowing the truth of God's love and the faith He has given me, despite the carnal weaknesses which are a constant trial against such faith.
* Having been in the depths of despair and raised out of it by my living God.
* A roof over my head. A really nice one at that.
* Having never gone hungry.
* Warm blankets on my bed every night.
* Steven and I having stable jobs.
* The ability to dream big and actually think I'll some day be achieving said dreams.
* Parents who taught me compassion for others no matter how different they are from me. God's children are in every kindred, nation, and tongue and I don't have the ability to discern who is a child of God and who isn't. Only God knows.
* My husband being my best friend.
* Biscuits, gravy, and grits.
* My education. I'll be even more thankful when I have my diploma.
* Freedom. Freedom of thought, speech, and assembly. Freedom to choose, freedom to love, to hate, to hope. Freedom to move, freedom to stand, freedom to disagree. Freedom to be.
* Irrevocable citizenship of America. I guess unless I do something terribly awful, which of course I wouldn't.
* sweet tenderness from my Granny who understood.
* music.
* Strawberry cake.
* Pink.
* The stars, the moon, and the sun.
* Barbie.
* John Adams, Martin Luther King, Jr., Alice Paul, Leonardo da Vinci, Fredrick Douglass, C.B. Hassell, Maya Angelou, Beethoven, Margaret Mitchell, Elvis, the Beatles, and Little Debbie.
* the innocence of children.
* a day of the year set aside for the sole reason of reflection on what one is thankful for. Thank you Abraham Lincoln for instituting such a day.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Mema update

After three days of ICU, they have finally put Mema in a room. She had to remain in ICU for extra days because there are some concerns about her heart. She had to be given some blood and her blood pressure is abnormally high. Also, there is some concern about the rhythm of her heart beat. That is, it is abnormal. These issues were not resolved before she left ICU, which is a concern because they said they wouldn't move her until it was resolved. Huntsville Memorial is not always the most reliable hospital so I hope this wasn't a bad move on their part. Also, there is no talk of when she may be out, which is good in a way because they are known to send people home before they are ready. I'm praying this won't happen. She has a really good doctor who I'm confident wouldn't allow that.

Steven's party was really fun last night. I always, ALWAYS, over plan and now we have so many leftovers, it's crazy. Steven is happy though! After all, it was all his favorite foods! There were only ten of us and I think we could have fed at least 25 people with how much food I bought. So now we have to eat through all of these leftovers to make room for the leftovers we'll have after Thanksgiving. It's a good thing we aren't picky and actually like leftovers. In these times, who can afford not to?

Today is Garrett's birthday party and my sister Paula and her boys are going to stay with us for the first time ever! So I better get going with cleaning up the party mess from last night. Have a great weekend!!!!

Happy Birthday Steven!

Today is Steven's birthday and he is 25 years old!!!! He's old. Not me. I'll be a whole year younger than him for 23 days. :o) I know, I know....that's not how it works.

Tomorrow we'll be having a party but tonight, I'm planning on making a homemade lasagna. It's his favorite. I just love birthdays!!!! I don't think he reads this blog but, just in case - Happy Birthday Wuv!

Another update

Mema had the surgery yesterday and everything went well. Adhesion on the outside of her colon from prior surgeries caused her intestine to twist and be blocked. They removed the problems and straightened everything out. She went immediately to ICU where she will remain through today. They had her on a respirator but they have removed that now. She's extremely weak and still in a great deal of pain but as of now, everything looks good and she is stable. Thank you for your prayers.

On a different note, I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week! We are going to have a busy week ahead of us. Steven's birthday is tomorrow and I've planned a party for him on Friday. Saturday is my nephew Garrett's birthday party even though his birthday is actually on Thanksgiving day. They wanted him to be able to have school friends come to the party. My sister Paula and her boys are coming Friday for Steven's party and staying the night with us for the first time so that they can go to Garrett's party the next day. And, we are being very bad and going to the Ren Fest on Sunday. Kevin won a contest and received 4 free tickets. Since Garrett's party has already been planned and Thanksgiving weekend is the last weekend and we'll all be busy with family, the only day to go is Sunday. Kevin was very generous to invite Steven and me along. I love the Ren Fest and used to go every year, but haven't been able to go in the past few years. Of our group I'm the only one who has ever been so it will be fun for them to experience it for the first time. It's one of the best ones in the country with lots of authentic food, music and shows. Plus the shops of handmade goodies!!!! There's a man that makes copper roses I want Olivia to see. They are just gorgeous!

So we'll have a busy and fun weekend and still have Thanksgiving the next week to look forward to. I love making the turkey and can't wait!!!! Then we'll still have my birthday in a few weeks and Christmas two weeks after that and New Years, too! I almost can't believe how many exciting things we have to look forward to. It seems we've been working and working, going to school, working, and life has been blah, blah, blah - mundane. That's why holidays are so important. They break up the daily grind. And am I ever thankful!!!!

Mema Update

After testing, they still don't know what is causing Mema's problem so they will be doing exploratory surgery today at 3 PM. They did not want to do this because of her age but they really have no choice. Please pray for the easement of her pain and if you will, comfort for my mother.

Thank you so very much.

Prayers for Mema

My mom called this morning to let me know that Mema, her mother, has been admitted to the hospital and may have to undergo emergency surgery for an obstruction in her colon. Mema is almost 88 years old and has suffered with numerous things in the past few years including COPD resulting in being on full time oxygen and a stroke which caused her to have to move in with my mom and dad. She's very frail, has dementia and is not a good patient. She doesn't like to be told what to do and is very headstrong. Also, surgery for her is very dangerous considering her age but also the COPD makes being under for surgery risky. Please pray for her and my mom if you will. My mom has been through a lot with my grandmother and watching her age has been straining on my mother.

Mema is actually my great grandmother who adopted my mom and my two aunts when they were little girls. Mema hasn't ever liked for everyone to know this because in a different time, it was harder to talk of such things. I think she is an amazing woman who has fought her whole life for the survival of not just herself but those whom she loved. I'm not sure I would be here today had she not saved my mother and for that, I respectfully go against her wishes to tell of the great thing she did. I am proud that Mema is my great grandmother and my grandmother in one. It is a wonderful blessing.

Mema went away from home to work when she was only 12 years old. Born in 1920, she was just the right age to work when the Great Depression was in full swing. She said it was hard to know when the depression hit because they were always poor. Once when I was staying with her when I was about 12, we were up in the middle of the night because it was storming terribly and then she lived in a mobile home so tornadoes were a big danger. She told me of when she was a child how she would dream she was eating a Milky Way bar, something she hardly ever got, and that she would wake up, realize it was a dream and then try hard to fall back to sleep and dream of that Milky Way. She rarely talks of her childhood and even then I knew how special it was for her to tell me these things. She's a hard woman with little affection but she has never forgotten to send me a birthday card. Once she forgot to get me a Christmas present but it was just funny. She just had too many grand kids.

As an adult it's easy to see why she doesn't show a great deal of tenderness. She has had a tough row to hoe. Quite literally at times. When she had to leave home to go work, her job was to chop cotton. Thankfully I've never done that and hopefully never will because it sounds like murder. She was a welder during WWII, a telephone pioneer for AT&T which was simply "the phone company," and a Wal-mart greeter when I was a child. There is so much she has been and is that I will never know. She's always dreaded getting older and even the last time I saw her a few weeks ago she was explaining to me how she is still not an old lady. :o)

Please pray that she and my mother are comforted.

Yahoo article and Holidays

Yesterday Steven and I saw the title for an article on the Yahoo front page titled "Best Age to Get Married for the First Time." WHAT?! For the first time? I guess it is a given these days that people will be divorced at least once in their lives. I'm glad I'm never really part of the norm. I didn't read the article but if interested, I'm sure it could be found on Yahoo still.

The best time of the year is coming up and I am so excited!!! Not only are Thanksgiving and Christmas the two best holidays of the entire year, with Christmas being of course, the very best of everything, but our birthdays also happen to fall within the holiday season. I have always gotten very excited about birthdays and holidays. They are so special. I mean, think about it - life is hard enough as it is on a daily basis. It is important to have special days to break it up. Steven and I are turning 25 this year so it's extra special!

I'm very excited about Christmas this year. I don't really know why except that Steven and I are not having to travel this year. That means we won't see his family but they were really ok with it. For some reason it's more expensive to fly to Des Moines than say, Denver or Chicago even when the economy is relatively ok. Right now, the fares are astronomical. Also, my family is having Christmas at my sister's here in College Station, so we get the whole two weeks at home!!! I cannot wait! And this year, we will get to have Christmas morning together, under our own tree, with our own Santa Claus (that's right, we do Santa even though there are no kids - it's my family's tradition), AND...the best of all...we'll actually get to have presents on Christmas this year! Both years prior, Steven and I have not had the money to actually have gifts for each other on Christmas. Believe me, we know all too well how Christmas isn't about the gifts. But this year we can get presents! I can't wait to give Steven his. The problem is, our birthdays are so close to Christmas, it makes it hard to decide what to give when. It's just so exciting!!! For the first time in like, 5 years, I'm excited about the holidays!!!! Time to watch Ralphie and bust out the Bing! But, no matter how excited I am, the rule is steadfast - No decorating for Christmas until after Thanksgiving! Rules is rules. :o)

Now to just get through the rest of the semester....

Michael Crichton and other things

I was so sad to see on the Yahoo front page that the best selling author of Jurassic Park and writer/creator of the TV show "E.R." passed away yesterday. He was only 66 years old. I feel about writers the way a lot of people feel about movie stars I suppose. They're my "rock stars" because I love reading so much and I aspire to write myself. He had a wonderful imagination and was an excellent writer. I pray that his family and friends have peace with his passing.

In other news, I had a meeting with my education advisor. I was told last week by someone who really should think before they speak that I would have to repeat several semesters of coursework before beginning my methods. Her exact words were "Oh, no, you won't be starting methods in the spring. You are semesters away from being ready for that." That was devastating because more undergrad work is unbearable at this point. Not because I'm tired of learning or going to school, but because it is such a financial burden on Steven and me. With neither of us having a college degree, we don't make a lot of money. And not having money is the biggest stress in our lives. Thankfully, Steven does have a good job and was able to get it with the Navy training he has. But still, he's kind of the bottom of the barrel in his department and unfortunately, it isn't an upward expanding job.

So me graduating is like our Christmas we are waiting for so that I will have a degree and be able to make more money. And unfortunately, without a teaching degree, history and English are very limited fields, especially in what would be the beginning of my career. It is imperative that I get my teaching certification in a timely manner. I was able to meet with an advisor in the education department who corrected what that rude woman said and I am not in fact semesters away from methods. Instead, if I keep doing well in my classes as I have done so far and my history advisor can work some magic in moving two bad history grades out of my degree plan, I will be eligible for methods in the Spring. I will have to take 2 classes next summer but I was thinking I probably would have to anyway.

Nothing is ever cut and dry or black and white. It feels the older I get, life becomes increasingly varying shades of gray. I suppose if everything were black and white, life would be far less interesting. At least in a gray world, the mistakes we make are not so pressing. It helps me remember that God is an understanding god and thankfully, being imperfect means I'm a real person. What a terrible life to have to be under the weight of the expectation of being perfect.

As far as the election goes, I feel it is far less devastating than friends have felt. I mean, I'm happy with the results anyway because I like Obama. Where I live, liking a democrat is like being a longhorn. And while I respect what others feel, I just don't agree that he will ruin this nation. I don't know that one man alone can do that. As far as getting away from the Godly foundation upon which our Founding Fathers built our nation, it would be hard for me to agree with their idea of Christianity. Many of the men, Washington, Jefferson, and Madison included, were deists. Ever heard of the Jeffersonian Bible? The man who receives credit for writing the Declaration of Independence decided that the Bible was too crowded with mystics and that by removing all the the so called miracles of Jesus, the Bible would be a better tool to live one's life by. So he literally cut out whatever he felt was too "magical" and created the Jeffersonian Bible. Washington also didn't speak about Jesus but rather about the "watchmaker God." This refers to God as someone who makes a watch, winds it, and places it on a table, then leaves it alone. Man is in charge after that. Madison believed also that God was a hands off being. He believed that God did not meddle in our individual lives and rather existed in the outer reaches of all things.

My point in saying all of this is not to tarnish the revolutionary generation but rather see them as what they really were, and that is simply just men. Men who were not always right. We will not always agree with everything our leaders believe and never have. So if we are a great nation as I believe we are, it is because God has intervened. The experiment with democracy has not failed yet, and let us hope that it will not.

It is also interesting to note that in the election of 1860, Lincoln's name did not even appear on the ballot in many southern states because he was so controversial. His winning the election literally split the nation. Now he's viewed as one of the greatest presidents who not only preserved the Union, but strengthened it in the process.

I just love history. What a nerd. :o)

Happy Election Day!!!!

I already voted but still..... Happy Election Day!!!!

Who's gonna win?!?!?!?! Will we know by tomorrow?! Or will we have to wait 2 months?!!! It's just too much. :oP

Gotta jet to the Ville for school, advisor meeting, and review lecture. Gonna be a really, really long day. ADIOS MIS AMIGOS DE LA INTERNET! I guess Internet has a feminine article. It sounds better that way. Who cares? Not I!

OH NO!!!!

I can't believe it! The release of "Half Blood Prince" has been pushed back to July of 2009!!!! How could they do this to me?! It was supposed to be released this November. I have read all of the books but I was so looking forward to the movie being out soon. HBP is a really, really good installment and I bet the movie will be too.

Again I say - Good grief!

Time Change!

Woah...The time just changed and I'm actually up for it. Weird. I am officially a time traveler. :o)

I have no idea why I'm up in the middle of the night. I went to sleep, then something woke me up - not quite sure what- and then I was wide awake. Oh well. Hey, I got to see the time change though. I guess that's kind of neat. Although, I'm beginning to think the time change might be unnecessary. I'm thinking we probably didn't save any energy and we definitely did not increase our spending to help stimulate the economy since we don't have the money. Ben Franklin was correct on many things but I feel he may have missed the mark on time change. Kind of like when he proposed having a turkey as the national bird. What would we eat on Thanksgiving? Silly Ben.

I suppose I should clarify what I said at the end of my last post. I am generally amused that people assume how others will vote. In school, people assume because you are there, you are "liberal." At work, because I work in a pre-school where apparently there are more "conservatives," I must also be conservative. I don't like being affiliated with any party or side or really being labelled "conservative" or "liberal." To me those are such ambiguous terms. What is deemed liberal today most likely will not be liberal in 50 years. What was radical 100 years ago, is commonplace today - i.e. women voters. If I vote for the republican candidate this year, it does not mean I am a republican because I am neither republican nor democrat, liberal or conservative. People are often put into boxes for whatever reason and I don't want to be one of them! :o)

Also, as a future educator of history, I can't stand that even people who are being published who would hopefully know the difference are using socialism, communism, Marxism, and fascism interchangeably. As Charlie Brown so aptly proclaims - Good grief!!!!

Happy Halloween!!!!

I can't believe it's already Halloween! Where has the time gone? Tonight Olivia is having a party so we will be Halloweening with them. We almost were not going to make it because I've been sick again. Every time I have gotten off my antibiotics, I have gotten sick again immediately. I've been to the doctor 3 times in 7 weeks. This last time they took a mono test thinking perhaps I had contracted mono some how. Thankfully, the results were negative. If this round of antibiotics do not get me better, the doctor said he may refer me to an ENT or an allergist. Being so sick has not helped with being so stressed with work in school. I've fallen behind in my reading because I've been so tired but hopefully I can use the weekend to catch up.

Today I'm going to go vote! This is my second election to vote in. I feel under informed for local campaigns but it will be ok. I'm pretty sure who I'm voting for locally, I just feel like there is so much discussion about presidential voting, I don't get to hear enough about our local government. I get excited about voting. It must be the historian in me! Steven doesn't get excited like I do. But that's ok. To each his own!

I think it's funny how people assume certain people vote a certain way. You know what they say about assuming, right? hehe....

Emma Mei

A few nights ago my sister called to let us know that they have had to terminate their adoption process due to the increased wait times and loss of net worth due to the stock market. We are all so very sad but we know that God has reason we cannot comprehend. My sister and her family are taking it very well and are seeing the blessings God has provided already, rather than dwell on their loss. This is so wonderfully positive and I am very proud of them.

I was so excited about little Emma and am very sad. She was already real to me, despite the fact that she was most likely not conceived yet. I have always had such an abundance of love for my nephews, I was ready to pass some of it to a niece. But I am still thankful for my sweet nephews and be happy for what we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have, just like Paula and Mark.

I have always had a special place in my heart for my nephews. While I love them all dearly, I love them all differently and have special feelings for each of them. When the first came along, I was so proud. I was only 13 years old when he came into our lives. That's what happens when your sister is 9 years older and gets married young! I was no longer the baby of the family and for once, I had someone to take care of instead of being the one cared for. Paula was so good about treating me the same as everyone else. She showed trust in me by letting me do the "motherly" things like feeding, changing, etc. when they visited. To me, this shrunk the gap between us in a way. I was "Aunt Manda," not a pesky little sister too young to be a part of anything. I loved Zachary so much and probably would have smothered him with love if he had let me. But he was independent from the minute he was born. When I got to talk to Paula after he was born, I couldn't say anything because I couldn't quit crying tears of joy. She probably thought I was crazy! I loved that little baby before ever seeing him. He was my first nephew, sweet, independent, and adorable beyond words.

The next little boy has been special to me in so many different ways. I was blessed to be staying with Paula when he was born. I had come to babysit for Zachary, (see? my sister showed me love in ways I never noticed before!), he had just turned 2 years old. I was keeping him while Paula and Mark had a night out alone before the new baby came and was going to keep Zac the next day while they went for checkup at the doctor. Paula and Mark had their night out, then their appointment, and then went to breakfast. Then they came home and both of them didn't say a word when they came home and just started cleaning up really fast. I thought they were trying to tell me I'd made a mess and they were upset. Then I saw Paula's stomach contract, asked her if she was ok and she said, "We're getting ready to go the hospital; the baby might be coming." WHAT?! I had never been around someone who was about to have a baby! All I knew was what I'd seen on TV - dramatic speeds to the hospital, water breaking, excitement, and rushing around. Paula and Mark weren't even talking to each other! I couldn't believe it! I think they didn't tell me what was going on until they had to because they knew I would freak out - which I did....kinda.

So we were off to the hospital and Mark instructed Paula to reset a timer on their van every time she had a contraction so that we could see how far apart they were. It was so funny to watch their interactions. Paula kept forgetting the timer and the clock would read 10, 12, or more minutes and Mark would say, "Are you really having contractions? Do we really need to go to the hospital?" which would crack me up. He's a pretty funny guy but I'd never want him to know I thought so. :o) Once at the hospital, they wouldn't admit Paula right away because she wasn't quite ready so they made her walk. That just wouldn't do for her. She found a nook in one of the hallways and did some of her aerobic exercises. Before she became pregnant, she was an aerobics instructor at the YMCA and still did pregnancy aerobics. It was hilarious watching a full term pregnant woman in a hospital gown and tennis shoes try to speed up her delivery by "working out."

Anyway, after hours and hours in the hospital and the arrival of our mom, Paula had a precious baby boy. He was so tiny. Everyone wanted to see how Zachary would react to a new baby in the family and his reaction was priceless. He just laid his little head on Ryan so softly and carefully with a sweet smile and accepted the new one as his brother. Much later, after being home for awhile, Zachary would also try to show his love to his brother by attempting to feed Ryan some of his pop-tart. Too funny. From the time he was a tiny baby, Ryan has shown a sweet, cuddly nature with a tendency to be the "ham" in the room. So different from the first and loved in different ways.

I wasn't there for the arrival of my third nephew who is my other sister's son. I have less memories of him as a baby but have gotten to spend more time with him as a little boy than the others. He was a small little baby with hardly an inch to pinch. He was so cute but very much a mama's boy. If mom was around, he didn't want anyone else. This was great for Olivia because since she was a child, all she wanted to be was a mother. In fact, when I was about 5 years old, there was a fire in our dishwasher and my mom called the fire department and told us all to get outside. Paula made sure I was out with her, and then out came Olivia with all of her baby-dolls. They were her kids and she was going to save them. The fire turned out to be nothing more than a wooden spoon that had fallen on the element of the dishwasher and we were all safe - baby dolls and all. So when Olivia had a real baby of her own, she treasured every minute of it. He's a smart little boy who likes to be in the middle of things where the action is. He doesn't like being left out of anything. Perhaps this will be a valuable attribute in his future.

I love my nephews so much that when they were really little, I thought I could never love anyone more. I've been told that when I have my own, I will have a love for them that is unmeasurable. If that is true, my own kids are going to be loved beyond what I could ever imagine because I've loved my guys before they were even born. And though I am sad I won't have a little girl from China as a niece, I sure am thankful I've had 3 wonderful and precious nephews.

Been Tagged.

Ok, my "auntie" tagged me so I have to give 7 random facts about myself and then tag 7 other people. The problem is, I don't have 7 friends who blog and who haven't been tagged. But I'll give my 7 random facts. Here you go:

1. I got engaged to a man who I had only "met" 5 days before. (We were online friends for 6 years and now we've been married for 2 1/2 years!)

2. I am a classically trained vocalist. I can sing in German, Italian, Latin, French, Spanish and English with *mostly* correct diction.

3. I love to cook from "scratch."

4. I was president of my high school Thespian Society and acted or teched in about 5 plays each year.

5. I won several art awards when I was younger in the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.

6. I was on the front page of the Houston Chronicle and the Religion section of the same paper for singing Sacred Harp.

7. I took piano lessons for 6 years and was in choir for 12 years of my life.

How fun! Ok Georgia - you're it!

And the verdict is....

I got my last exam back from first rounds and I scored a 97!!!! It was the third highest in the class of 60 people. It feels so good to be doing well again. I haven't done this well since high school. Well, when I was a music major I did pretty well my first year but that was all review. I mean, if I didn't do well in Music Theory I, that would be a shame since I'd been learning it all my life. I always argue with myself. Is that a symptom of psychosis? I hope not!

Anyway, I guess I feel like grad school isn't completely out of the question for me anymore. I'll just have to wait and see. I'm so glad that SHSU has an online master's program. Then I can teach and do the program online so that Steven can finally go to school! But like I said...we'll see.

Did anyone watch the presidential debate this week? We didn't catch it but recorded it and watched it last night. I have a lot of opinions, (what else is new?), but I want to hear what people's impressions are. Let me know if you watched!

Back on Track

A few weeks ago I reported that school started roughly for me and I felt unmotivated. After Hurricane Ike, I felt like I had a fresh beginning with which I could regain momentum for the rest of the semester. Well, apparently my slow start was all in my head and was purely a mental fog. I thought I had done poorly on a response paper for one of my senior level classes because on BlackBoard, our school computer system, the grade noted was a 55. I was so crushed. In the past I've made grades this bad when my dad was really sick or I was going through major (MAJOR) personal crisis, but to make a grade like that now when I have learned so much and come so far was a terrible let down. Instead of whining and complaining, you know, more than a reasonable amount, I emailed my prof to see what I could improve on. It turns out, she hadn't graded mine at all because some how when she printed the papers off, mine was skipped. She didn't know why my grade was posted as a 55 but she said she would grade my paper later in the week and let me know how I did. Well, a week later she still hadn't graded it so I emailed her again. This time she did grade it and I made a B+! I prefer numerical grades but I'll take a B+ over failing any day! And since this was my only grade so far, it is still very possible to make an A in the class.

Speaking of A's, I had some more extremely good news this week concerning my grades. Last week I had a grammar test which was so difficult it practically gave me hives. I was never really taught traditional grammar and jumping into college level grammar has been daunting. My mom helped me understand it all better since she teaches grammar herself which was a lifesaver. She even said the sentences were difficult so I felt validated. :o) Anyway, I got the test back Tuesday and I was one of the only ones in the class to get a perfect score! 100! I've never gotten such a high score on a test in college. This was amazing to me. Until....

Until I checked my grade for my religious history exam I had on Thursday. I stressed slightly over this exam because all history tests are hard and this was an essay test which are so subjective. Since I've never had this particular professor, I wasn't sure how he graded. It seems that no matter how well I write, there is something which can be improved upon in an essay test. For this one, we had to complete 5 identifications of key terms, each a paragraph explaining, when, who, significance, etc. The five came from a list of 30 he gave us as a study guide. Then we had to write a full essay for a question he wrote. I was one of the last to turn in my test because I was afraid of leaving something out which always happens to me while writing essay tests. But, apparently that was not the case this time because I made scored 104! I even got the bonus question right! Unquestionably this is the best grade I've ever made on a history exam. I think a major woohoo is in order. WOOHOO!

I'm still waiting on the grade for my last exam of these first rounds. I should get that back today. I don't think I did bad but I'm pretty sure I didn't do as good as I did on my grammar or religious history exams. Then again, I thought I had made a high B or a low A on that history test. You just never know! This is a major success for me. College has been so rough, especially in my personal life. Steven has helped me so much to see what I am capable of and how successful I can be. Plus, he's helped me learn my limits of how much I can handle at once so that I don't spread myself too thin as I have always tended to do.

Apparently, I'm still on track! Thank God! Now if I could just graduate.... :o)

Home again, home again...

This weekend Steven and I went to visit some of my family in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and had such a wonderful visit! We stayed with my cousin Virginia who I hadn't visited with in several years and I got to meet her two youngest children who are just so adorable. Visiting with her was like time hadn't passed or like we'd never really been apart. It's so amazing how that happens with some people. You're just kindred spirits and you have a connection I suppose.

We arrived Friday and stayed up way too late but we were having so much fun. It's been a long time since I stayed up past midnight. So the next morning we slept in a little, then everyone was up and very hungry! So they took us to a neat little restaurant called "Rise and Shine." They had such yummy breakfast with everything you could possibly want. I had eggs, bacon, a biscuit with real gravy (it didn't taste like powder gravy so it was "real"), and of course, grits. I can't pass up grits. Needless to say, Steven had to help me eat all of that but I tasted everything and it was good! The pancakes that the others got were so huge, they were a breakfast by themselves even though they were considered a side item. And the price was unbeatable. I think when we go back and visit, we may just have to request Rise and Shine again!

After breakfast, or brunch rather since we kind of slept in, we met up with my cousin Angela and her husband and son to ride a train around Fort Worth. I was a little skeptical about the train because I have a fear of open vehicles ever since I had an accident with a golf cart a few years ago. I wasn't driving but that's a story for another time! The train turned out to be really fun and a neat way to see the city and since Steven and I had never been to Ft. Worth, we really enjoyed it.

When we were through with our excursion, we went back to Virginia's house and Paul grilled some of the best steaks I've ever had. They were so good! He shared his marinade recipe with us so we may have to try it out soon. We were so tired from staying up so late the night before, after dinner, Chip and Angela went home and we all crashed. It was a really good day - one of the best I've had in a very long time!

Sunday was wonderful as well. Marina, Genya's oldest daughter, was baptized yesterday which was one of the reasons we were visiting them. She joined the Dixie PBC where my Uncle Thomas pastors but since they don't have a baptistery, they held services as Denton PBC where Elder Vernon Johnson is the pastor. It was Elder Townsend's appointment and he shared the time with Uncle Thomas so we were able to hear two really good sermons. After church we all went to have lunch. I cannot describe how wonderful it was to be with everyone - Uncle Thomas, Aunt Lisa, Genya, Paul, Angela, Chip, Thomas A. and all the kids. I don't even know how long it's been since I've been with all of them at once. It is amazing how wonderful God is. All things are possible through Him. Two months ago I would have said I would never be with them all at once ever again. I am so thankful and overjoyed that this is not the case!

After lunch we went to Angela's house because it was close by. We were only supposed to stay a little while but that turned into a few hours. I had planned on doing homework Sunday evening but ... oh well! Steven was really sweet by driving most of the way home so I could do some reading even though he had driven all the way up there Friday and done all of the driving throughout the weekend. He's so good to me!

So now Angela and Virginia have to come visit us! They said they will and I sure hope they do because we had such a good weekend. Now it's back to the grind but at least it's with a happy heart!

Supposed to be reading....

But I am having a hard time concentrating on the article I'm supposed to read concerning the Hull House and Jane Addams. I'm just not feeling it right now. Of course, that's not a good excuse, especially considering I have to give a response over this article and two others, read Babbitt, 2 chapters of my religious history book and do a review for an exam in History of Religion, plus complete a Grammar take-home test, and review for an exam in Lit & Film. SIGH.... When I say I have to read all the time to keep up, I do not lie. And these articles are loooooong. One is 50 pages by itself.

Ok, I'm done complaining. I am keeping up for the most part and for that I am happy. There are just days where I have to keep re-reading paragraphs I've already read because I go on auto-pilot and do not pay attention to what I am reading. It's easier when I'm reading from a book instead of articles online because then I can highlight in the text. But I am not about to print 50 pages of article that I will not need again. What a waste. Ok....NOW I'm done complaining. I promise.

I really like my religious history class. It's primarily American religious history, so we simply reviewed Martin Luther, Henry VIII, and John Calvin. I've said this before but don't mind saying again, it is difficult being a Primitive Baptist and studying religious history. Since most students have mostly never heard of predestination, the professor must explain what it means and how it pertains to salvation. And the professor most likely learned about predestination from another misguided scholar. While Primitive Baptists do not completely agree with John Calvin, the idea of predestination is very similar - that the elect were known before the world was even created. In class, the students respond with laughter because they immediately jump to, "If you cannot get to Heaven by doing good works, then you can do whatever you want!" And according to the professor, this was the problem Calvin ran into. His response was to tell his followers that because one doesn't know if they are the elect, they must act as if they are so that others will think they are the elect and treat them accordingly. I haven't studied Calvin in depth so I cannot say whether this is right or wrong. I can say I get sad every time this subject comes up because I've never heard a positive response from students when they learn about predestination. Oh, and the professor also said that Calvin believed that the elect was a small number, "about 40,000 of the billions of people since man was created so most people are destined for Hell." I will just say - sigh....

I like the professor a lot and I do not hold any ill will towards him. He is very knowledgeable and respectful. And there aren't a great deal of scholarly texts concerning predestination other than John Calvin so he really doesn't have much to go on. He said something in the last lecture that really has me interested. He listed the different sectors of the Puritans and listed Methodists, Presbyterians, Anglicans, and Baptists. As a side note he said that these Baptists are not like Southern Baptists or what Baptist brings to mind today. He said that would come in a later lecture so we shall see how that unfolds.

I do really like the class and am very interested in the subject. Perhaps some day I will be able to study the history of the church myself in greater depth. Most of what I know I learned from my father the preacher. And there's nothing wrong with that because he's pretty smart! A study like that seems like material for a dissertation. Would that be acceptable since I am a woman in the church? I wonder. The reason I ask is that most histories of our church are written by ministers who of course are men.

I guess I should just focus right now on those articles I'm supposed to read. :o)

Feliz Lunes!

Happy Monday! What a contradiction. That's almost oxymoronic. Oh well. But I'm happy today anyway, even if it is a Monday. Today is the day the Lord hath made - rejoice and be glad in it. I shall surely try!

School starts back today after the clean up from Hurricane Ike. I don't have to go until tomorrow because I only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm actually glad to go back because it almost feels like a fresh start. I didn't start off very well because of some events that took place the weekend before the first day of school. I was very off and in a sort of a funk. I think that's partly why I got sick and have been having issues with my back. Stress just really wears me down and believe me, I have plenty of stress in my life. So I got a break and was able to sort through some things and now am ready to go back and finish up this last semester of core classes. I believe a woo-hoo is in order...woo-hoo!

In regards to my back, I actually feel pretty good. Yesterday was an ok pain day and so far today, I'm feeling fine. I didn't even have any pain medicine last night. I think this is partly due to the fact that Steven and I went to our produce market yesterday. I don't know what it is about the open market but it was wonderful. They had tons and tons of pumpkins everywhere! There were lots of fall goodies everywhere. Seeing those things make me so happy. They were advertising their pie pumpkins and I almost got one but then I realized, I have no idea how to make a pumpkin pie from scratch. I always us the pumpkin from a can. I'm sure my granny would have a recipe though. Or, if any readers have a good one, please let me know!

I don't know why but doing things that are "real" make me so happy. And by that I mean, going to our market where the vegetables are local, non-commercialized, and in the open air. Seeing the jars of honey lined up, gleaming in the sun is so beautiful to me. The bright orange pumpkins stacked beside the multi-colored Indian corn is just gorgeous. Being in places like that makes me feel rejuvenated. I am always astonished at how much we buy and how little we pay for it. We bought 3 lbs. of green beans, 4 bulbs of garlic, 6 green bell peppers, 3 red bell peppers, 6 yellow onions, 3 stalks of broccoli, a pint of cherry tomatoes, a head of green leaf lettuce, a bunch of spinach, and a huge cantaloupe all for $16. And everything is of excellent quality and is much larger than what we would find in a grocery store. I just think it's amazing. We hadn't been in a while and were certainly glad to go back.

All in all, I am feeling really good. I'm so glad to be out of the fog I was in. I've been able to get a handle on my house work and now much put my nose in my books because I must do well in school. I did poorly on the only assignment I've had so far, which I feel is a symptom of my personal life. It only makes me want to try harder. :o)

Update...

I just returned from my appointment and it's a good news/maybe not such good but not necessarily bad news situation. Makes sense right?

The good news is I have no cysts and I have healthy ovaries for once in my life. The not so good news that isn't necessarily bad news is that it could be sciatica, as in my sciatic nerve is being pinched or something of that manner. Since I was visiting my gyno, he has referred everything to my regular doctor for this issue. He also sent me for labs for a general work up just in case.

He also assured me that nothing was definite and I shouldn't worry too much at this stage but that is so hard. Anything that has to do with my nervous system or my spine, I begin to worry because of my dad. Since he became disabled, I've worried I would end up just like him. I've worried so much that I have ignored pain so that I wouldn't have to hear that my spine was twisted or I have stinosis (sp?), etc. Last year when I had the cyst I was so scared it was my back that was hurting that I lived with the pain for several months before getting it checked out. The doctor reminded me of the fact that I almost let it explode before I consulted with a doctor and I shouldn't be afraid of diagnosis. But that's really easy to say when you haven't had to watch someone deteriorate before your very eyes.

I've seen my dad go from a strong, hard working, detailed, precise man to someone who can't even remember a telephone call, who can't put on his own shoes, and who can only walk a few feet without help. I was 17 years old when I had to start putting my dad's shoes on him and helping him get dressed. That is so painful - so much so that words don't seem to capture the sorrow in my heart for the man who used to take me on roller coasters and fishing, who used to fix cars that no one else could fix, who sat and listened to Flatt and Scruggs and taught himself how to pick the banjo, who stayed up into the early morning hours with his daughters teaching the history of the church and helping them see the glory of God. I hurt for my father and at the same time fear for myself. The doctor was very perceptive to see that my father's disability has made me fearful of what could be ailing me. His advice was it is better to know than to let it get worse. Also, he reminded me that I am not my father, so perhaps I shouldn't fear every doctor visit as if it were a death sentence. And I think he's right. Again, I must remember that all things are in God's hands and prayer is a powerful connection.

New Look

I felt like it was time for a new layout and I feel this pretty Barbie pink suits me much better. Barbie is a very important lady in my life and everything pink makes me happy. My wedding was so beautiful with various shades of pink, just like in "Steel Magnolias" but with a bit more taste. :o)

We survived Ike and were blessed that it really didn't effect us much. I had been planning to visit my cousin Virginia that weekend but decided it might be better not to travel. As it turns out, I probably could have gone since it wasn't as bad here as expected, but it was good I stayed because my parents needed help. They live in Huntsville and the town was hit pretty hard. Power was knocked out but the worst part was that two trees fell across their garage and has damaged their cars. We still don't know the extent of the damage to the autos, but the garage is going to have to be rebuilt. We are all just very thankful they were ok. Olivia and I and our sweet husbands went Sunday to retrieve Mama, Daddy, and Memaw with a rental car. They've been staying at Olivia's this week but will be going home tomorrow since power has been restored! I know everyone will be very happy when they can go home. Memaw did not want to leave Huntsville but once she was told she'd have her own room at Livy's, she was appeased. I think she will be happiest to return. Or maybe Olivia will be happiest. haha.

School has been out all week and I have been so glad. I'm working extra hours at the preschool because we are short staffed. I told them I could only manage this for another week because I just cannot work 30 hours a week and have a full load of classes on top of commuting to school. I was really proud of myself because I have a hard time telling people no. Last year I was working way too much for the family I was working for and really put myself in a bind as far as school was concerned. So I am very proud that I can stand up for myself and not feel guilty for taking care of myself.

Speaking of taking care of myself, I should go get ready. I have a doctor's appointment today. I am a little concerned about it, so would ask for prayers if you think of it. Last year I had a terrible time with an ovarian cyst that really took me out of commission. Since Sunday I've been having pain in that same area that has gotten worse and made me extremely tired. Hopefully it is nothing but it would be great if they could figure out what is hurting and if it can be remedied easily. Thank you!

In the light.

Today I feel much better than yesterday, both mentally and physically. There comes a point when I am sick that I am just down and out, and thinking all about my own miseries. Today I feel much better in every way.

It is still true that my family is struggling but like I said yesterday, the Lord will see us through. Yesterday I had a long time of prayer, which seems to always relieve my sorrow. Isn't the Lord wonderful? The trouble is, I don't always know how to pray and some times prayer is difficult. But I think that's part of the whole picture anyway. We can't be close to the Lord unless He draws us. I think when I start to feel that I have some control, things start to fall apart. The truth is, there is little I can control and most likely, nothing I can control. I cannot change the past and I don't know if there will be a tomorrow. That's why this blog is called "No day but today." But sometimes, I forget. You would think I could just look up at the title, right? :o)

But today I feel better. In part I think I miss seeing my class everyday. I've grown really attached to my class because I've had them since they were babies. I've been able to "fly" up with them in each class. Now they are in the 4 year old class and are some of the "big kids." They are all currently three but will be turning 4 this year. I love teaching them and it's amazing to see how far they come. Before they could even talk we were learning colors and shapes. Then they all knew their letters while they were still learning to walk. Then in our last class they were able to write their name and all of the letters. Now the older ones are reading and the younger ones are catching up. Teaching pre-school has been a wonderful experience for me. Even though I'm studying to be a high school teacher, teaching experience is teaching experience. Every child (or young adult) has a different way of learning. And discovering how to unlock their little minds is a challenge but also a reward. And when I work on their individual assessments and goals, I can really see how far they have come. I'm going to be so sad when I leave them in the spring to do my Methods. Even though I'll probably be back for the summer, it will be good-bye to some who don't attend in the summer months.

So, all in all, I'm feeling better. I'm having to get adjusted to my new schedule and learn to rebalance everything. I really have a great schedule and I'm home more now than I've ever been since Steven and I got married. But we've been stressed about my financial aid not arriving but when I checked this morning, it had arrived. Things seem to even out when I let go and lay my burdens upon the Lord. Now if I could only remember that! And of course, that there is no day but today.

Sickness *cough*sneeze*cough*

The immune system of this pre-school teacher should be tough as nails since I've been now teaching off and on for 6 years. And to some degree this is true. When I first started, I was sick about every two weeks - no kidding. Just as I would get over some sniffle, I would contract something else. My co-teacher is going through that right now as she just started with us in June. Anyway, I am sick today and have been since last Thursday. I finally went to the doctor yesterday (Mon.) and he said stay home until Wed. So I missed work yesterday and am missing school today which I feel extremely guilty about. Does anyone else ever feel guilty when they can't attend something because they are sick? I always without fail feel guilt all day. And I mean, it's not like I'm not sick. I mean, the doctor even gave me a note. Not that I really need one. At this point in my school career the professors give us a certain amount of days we may miss, no questions asked. So I don't suppose I should feel guilty but I do.

Anyway, enough of my warped psychosis. I am actually glad to be home because I have to write a response paper for my online class that I just haven't found the time for. Life has been a bit overwhelming over the past few weeks. My family is dealing with a great deal lately.
My life growing up with my parents was incredibly tumultuous and my adult life has proved to be as well.

When looking at my family it would be easy to contribute our strife with my father's illness but troubles go much deeper than that. Of course, his illness in the past eight years has contributed a great deal, it still cannot be blamed for how my family has suffered. Most people will never fully understand what I mean, either because they can't or won't. And it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that I continue to grow with Steven and remain committed to my education so that we may have a better life. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But the time has come and past when I must live my life and do what is best for MY family, meaning Steven and me.

I'm sure this is crazy ramblings for most people who read what I write. For that I am sorry. But I've been sad and preoccupied over the past few weeks and that is not satisfactory for what I am trying to accomplish in school. And most likely a contributing factor in this cold I have. I know that God will see us through and will be a comfort and guide, for He only knows how much that I need one. Life is not black and white or else it would be much easier.

side note: I just read back through what I wrote and saw that a few paragraphs up I said "enough of my warped psychosis." I guess not. :)

Back to School

Well, here I am again at the beginning of the school year. Actually, come to think of it, I haven't been in school in the Fall since before Steven and I got married. So perhaps I should say, "Here I am again at the beginning of the semester." Ok, I'm done arguing with myself. :)

I am glad to be at school but slightly less motivated because I thought I would be already starting my methods. Unfortunately, I found out that while my GPA isn't completely awful, combined with my transfer GPA from Texas A&M (which was terrible), I do not yet qualify for methods. So I'm retaking two classes this semester to bring up my GPA and finishing my history classes for my major. So I have two history classes and two English classes. Then, Lord willing, I will do my methods in the Spring and my student teaching next fall and THEN...... graduation Dec. 2009. This produces a huge, major, gigantic *SIGH* from me because I am so very sick of not having a degree. I'm really not tired of school (probably a good thing since I'm going to be a teacher) but I am so tired of working so hard and long, and still not having a degree. And tied to the degree is the hope for more money which means more stability, blah, blah, blah. I was really hoping to be done with college May 2009 so that I would have a better chance at getting a teaching position. I do not regret marrying my husband when I did but our struggles have hinged upon neither of us having college diplomas. But I will say again as I have often said, I probably wouldn't even have finished school if it weren't for Steven. He gave me renewed hope and motivation, as well as showing me what I could be capable of. He's so wonderful!

Speaking of my wonderful husband, he and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary yesterday. Unfortunately it fell on the first day of classes for me so we didn't get to do much. I made a lasagna and we had a small red velvet cake for after dinner. Steven was really sweet and set the table with candles and wine. He's such a good husband!

School is back in session which means I should be reading. Here we go again!

Praise God!

I am elated, overjoyed, and every word of every language that means happy! That which was troubling me at the end of my post has been lifted. God blessed me today with a gift I was worried would never come to pass. But life has bloomed again. Sorrow's oppression has been quelled.

Praise God!!!

I'm sorry this doesn't make sense. :D

More good news!!!

I know it's been a while since I posted last but I have been so busy with work, I haven't even had the energy or time to write. We have been short staffed at the pre-school so I've been working morning and afternoon shifts. A double shift in a pre-school/daycare is not the same as a double shift in say, retail work where you actually work two 8 hour shifts. A double shift at our school means about 9 hours of work since the morning shift works 7:30-2:30 and the afternoon is 2:15-5:30. When you work all day you get a break for lunch. But let me tell you, those nine hours are long, hard hours, especially when you are in a two or three year old classroom as I am often placed. Especially when there are 12-15 students in each class.

I am very thankful for the money however. Working so many extra hours has really helped us out this month. Financial Aid does not arrive until the end of the month when school starts. And even then it may not because I was selected for verification this year. Joy upon joy. Whatever they can throw at me, they will. Right now my aid status says "you are in the verification process, check back in one to two weeks." That's an automated message and usually it's less time than they say. That's what I'm praying for anyway because school begins on the 25th! Sigh...I'm always down to the wire with these kinds of things.

Ok, I did title this post as "good news" and there really is some extraordinary news! My sister Paula and her husband Mark have decided to adopt a baby girl! It is so very exciting!!!! They were inspired by my cousin Angela and what was born inside of them was a desire for a little girl of their own. They have put in their application, been accepted, signed their contract and have finished their autobiographies for the case workers. Today they were attending a workshop for adopting families. They are so extremely happy, as are the rest of us! They have decided to name their baby Emma Mei. Emma is a family name on our mother's side of the family and Mae is our grandmother's middle name. They decided on the Chinese spelling so that she will have a tie to her biological nationality and because the name means "beautiful" in Chinese. They have decided to call her "Mei-Mei" since everyone tends to have nicknames in our family (I've been Moongold or a derivative of the name since I was 4 years old) and because Mei-Mei means "little sister." Isn't that just too sweet for words?! Please pray for them as this is a long process, as well as continuous prayers for my sweet cousin Angela. Finally a niece that Aunt Manda can play Barbies with!!!! Not that my nephews haven't been tons of fun. I was just thinking yesterday about when Zachary was learning about lightning and he called it "Ewectristery." He wasn't probably more than two years old. Smart boy. Those are precious moments that survive in memory of the heart alone.

Paula and Mark have a blog to follow their progress, which I have posted under "Blogs I Read" in case you would like to check it out.

In another arena but I guess related in a way, lately, I've been feeling renewed life. For about five years there have been so many tumultuous life changing events that the seas of life have often been tormentingly choppy. Our family has been through a great deal of heartache and suffered blows that no one knew how to deal with. No one person was effected the same way which means that no one has healed the same way or to the same extent. People have surprised me both positively and negatively which has caused me to lose faith in the things that I thought I knew.

But now, at least for today, I feel differently. Today is the kind of day where love and compassion replace anger and hurt. I'm thinking I should take a step that I've been afraid to take for fear of rejection, embarrassment, more hurt, more anger. However, today I realize that the blessing is in the release of my anger and pain, and in it's place, love. God reveals blessings in ways I will never understand. Today I feel the blessing is in the giving, not in what I'm getting.

I know this doesn't make a lot of sense but I need to put it somewhere. :)

A wonderful cause...

Ok, so people who know me well know that I love children. If you know me well, you also know I always wanted to have children of my own, but also always felt I wanted to adopt some children as well. Have two and adopt two was my plan. And because I love little Asian children so much, I wanted "Chinese babies." Well, I am not having any children any time soon because we are not ready but I wanted to devote some time towards my cousin who is ready and wanting to adopt a little girl from China. My cousin Angela, her husband Chip, and their son Miles are trying to raise money to adopt a little girl.

I think this is so wonderful that every time I think of it, I get excited. I think adoption is an amazing thing in this life. There are millions of children who need homes. These children, through no fault of their own may never feel the loving embrace of a parent. Is there anything more Biblical than adoption? Are we not adopted by God? There is only one begotten Son, thus we as God's children are all adopted through election. As I am not a missionary by any worldly standards, I find it hard to use that word but I feel adoption is a true missionary act. To bring someone into your home and into your family is an act of true Christianity. Thus is boggles my mind to hear that there are people who do not support adoption. We are all entitled to our opinions. However, on this blog, I support adoption. If it weren't for adoption, I may not be here because in case you didn't know, my mommy was adopted. :)

The irony of the process of adoption is that while there are millions of children without homes, it costs a fortune to bring one of them into your family. I understand that people must ensure that the children are going to good homes, but "good home" does not always mean "wealthy home." Angela and Chip have set up a website for people to visit in order to hear their story and to donate if they wish. I know it is hard for them to ask people for money, as it is for all of us. But this is truly a wonderful cause, an amazing mission to bring some little girl into their home. Angela and Chip are such sweet people and are very patient and understanding parents. Their little Miles is one of the sweetest little boys I've ever seen. They are excellent candidates for adoption.

I have put a link to their website on the right side of my page. Feel free to visit it, as well as tell your friends about it. Also, Angela is a spectacular photographer and there is a way for you to help through her photography business called "Angela's Portraits."

Please check out their site and send it on to your friends. All you need is love! dadadadadum....

sickness and stress

Well, I have been sick for a whole week now. I have no voice at all. My sweet Granny called me just now and I was trying to talk to her but we kept getting mixed up because she couldn't hear what I was saying. I went to the doctor last Monday and have been on antibiotics for a week and have only gotten worse. Most likely, I got so sick because I did not have time to step back and rest. Between school, commuting, gas prices, work, sickness, and daily life, I have breached my stress limit. Isn't it sad that the high gas prices are a stress unto themselves? When you commute and make peanuts at a job which should pay more, filling the gas tank becomes nightmarish.

I have already missed two days of one class but I may be missing tomorrow because I think I need to go back to the doctor. I have to keep telling myself that I can only do what I can do. But I hate letting people down and I've done so well in school lately, I would really hate for a dumb cold to ruin everything. Not to mention that I feel bad about missing work. I missed last Monday because I had gone to the doctor and he said to stay home, then I missed Tuesday because I had to do an observation for school. I went Wed, Thur, and Fri, but Friday they sent me home because I couldn't talk. So I would really, really hate to miss anymore. Not to mention that my friend Summer is getting married next Saturday and I am missing work on Friday for that because I am her matron of honor. And I am just thankful that Steven and I do not have children yet because there would be absolutely no way I would be able to handle everything. Of course, I wouldn't be a full-time student, commuting two hours a day, and working if I had children.

I am just really ready for the summer to be over. I never, ever thought I would say that. Summer has always been so great because of church meetings and no school, going to the beach, going to the pool, visiting family, etc. Of course, as an adult those things change but this summer is just abnormally burdensome. We can't go to church meetings or the beach because of money and gas prices, and there is lots and lots of school since I had to go full time.

Ok, so that all sounds depressing but the truth is, I will be overjoyed when I don't have to commute every single day in my very hot, unairconditioned car. Not to mention how much better it will be on our budget. :)

I promise my next post will not be so downtrodden. Unless of course, something catastrophic happens like all my hair falls out. adieu!

Last FAFSA!

I just filled out my very last FAFSA! I didn't even think about how it was my last time until I was done. How exciting is that?! It's a small step to graduation, but a step none-the-less. Only 14 months to go!

Last night I talked to my friend Luke. I hadn't talked to him since spring break. I love him so much. We were very close in highschool but really became close just after. Talking to him is so great but it also makes me realize how different our lives have become. He is in Ohio (about to graduate! yay Luke!) and will be moving to New York to begin his career as an actor. I am in Texas (still) and in school (still). Don't get me wrong, I love my life. It's just interesting to reflect on how people's paths cross and separate during a lifetime. He'll always be a friend I can call and someone I'll keep in contact with my whole life, I hope. I feel a tinge of sadness when I think of how far apart we are these days.

I do love my life, I want to make that clear. But every year about this time when the outside temperature is reaching eleventy-million degrees, I think of how I don't know if I can live in Texas my whole life. At this point, my family is here and that is the main reason I would not want to move. Of course, school for both Steven and me is here, and that's another big reason we live in Texas. But gosh darnit! It is so hot!!!! It also doesn't help that I keep watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" and dreaming of living in Bramasole on the the Italian countryside. Of course, as an ardent patriot, I could only live permenantly in the United States. Perhaps when I am a quadrillionaire, I will have a house in Tuscany.

I actually am content to live where we are for a few years. Our plan is to stay until Steven graduates. We are both very excited because he will start at Blinn going part-time in the fall. He's waited a long time to go to school. It was very strange but fulfilling having to enter on the FAFSA that both members of our household will be going at least half-time to school next year. It makes me feel that we are on our way!

Done!

School is over! Woohoo!!!

No real news other than that. Tomorrow is my last day with the family I work for and I start my new job Monday at the daycare. This is hopefully the very last time I ever work at a daycare. I love children but I've been taking care of kids for over ten years! I really can't believe I'm old enough to actually stay that.

So three months with the kiddos at the dayschool and then no more "working" until I graduate. - That is: no more jobs until I graduate since next year I absolutely won't be able to. Methods, some remaining classes, and student teaching are definitely work enough!

My youngest cousin turned two years old! Where are all the babies? We need more babies!!!! (don't look at me though) :D

Winding down

I love that the semester is coming to an end. Of course, it is bitter sweet because I won't have my favorite class anymore. But the professor has asked that I stay in touch. She's been so helpful to me in my writing and supportive in general. Teachers like her are few and far between.

I am absolutely overjoyed that I never, ever have to see that English professor again. I am done with the class and know to avoid him. After all, I only have one more year of school left!!!! 14 months and I am done!!!!!

For now I have two more finals on Wednesday which kinda stinks. They are back to back and that only gives me a few minutes to refresh after the first one. The first one isn't going to be that bad. It's like any other test we have had in the class. My second one will be brutal beyond a shadow of a doubt. As everything has a silver lining - the good thing is, when it is over, I'm done. :) for two weeks.......

Yup, summer school begins. But I am almost positive it won't be too bad. Summer I is two education classes so not a lot of reading, just mainly hands on activities. Summer II is an online class and a history class. Online classes are almost always better. I do know the down side to this particular class is that the professor requires something every day. It's technical writing, not entirely exciting, but still....I think it will be fine. And it is only 4 weeks long - almost anything can be endured for 4 weeks. almost....

Well, that's all I have time for now. I have a study group I need to attend in a few minutes. This means poor Steven is left fixing dinner tonight. I prepared the meatloaf, ready to go in the oven and left detailed instructions on how to make the rice and green beans. I think he should be fine!!! He's a smart guy.

one more day.....

Well, there is only one more class day after today. How excited am I? I would be more excited if I didn't have 2 essays (both 6 pages) and a project (very major) to do before finals begin next week. But hopefully after Wednesday I will only have to worry about finals and no more papers before summer school starts. And actually, I won't have any papers in the first summer session because I am taking two education classes that are mainly tests and small projects. At least that's what I'm hoping.

I got some exciting news last week. I am not bragging but, I got a writing award! It's called excellence in writing. There will be a ceremony tomorrow and my work will be displayed with other student winners and faculty. I've never won an award for writing and haven't won anything in college at all. Except of course, my education but that doesn't count because I pay for that. :)

I'm trying to figure out what church meetings Steven and I can go to this summer. We didn't attend any last summer. Finances didn't permit and our family was going through a great deal of things. The issue is now, I'm just not as aware of them now as I used to be.

I would like to ask for some prayers for my Granny. She is suffering from shingles. I don't know much about this except that it's the chicken pox virus in adults and it's incredibly painful. She's so sweet and carries a great deal of burden already. Please pray for her speedy recovery.

Well, it's off to class for now....but for the second to last time. woohoo!!! I've made it to the end of the semester....almost!

Six more days!

Only six more class days after today!!! Steven would say that means there are seven but since today is half over, I round down. Six sounds so much better that seven. Of course that means I have a lot of work to cover in two weeks. But, there is light at the end of this tunnel. Hallelujah!!!

I haven't made an American Idol post in a while so here's my update: There is a lot of talent this year and I am very excited about the guest judges they've had so far. Although, I don't really like Mariah Carey so I should say, I was very excited to see Dolly Parton and Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber as guest hosts. :) My favorites are still Brooke White, David Archuleta and Jason Castro. I felt so sorry for Brooke on last night's performance. She had to stop and start her song over which might put her out of the contest. It's so late in the game to be making big mistakes like that. I'm afraid that if I ever did try out and miraculously made it into the finals, I would do exactly what she did. She seems like a really sweet person, it's so sad that it may cause her to be let go. I think Jason may be in the bottom as well this week. Musical theater is obviously not his forte but he did sing really well as always. And of course, young David is an exceptional singer.

I will state publicly that I do not agree with fans of David Cook. There is just something about him I don't like. It's in his smile and his eyes when he performs. It makes him seem arrogant. But also, I just haven't liked what he's done with his songs. For some reason the judges love it. I just don't know. But there's my Idol coverage for this week. :)

I don't know what has been wrong with me these past two weeks but I've been exhausted every single day. I am so stinkin' tired. And it doesn't seem that I've had a lot of extra work. Most likely it's that I have been having so much all semester that it's just wearing me down. I'm ready for a break, even if it's just two weeks. The down side is that when school ends, I might be working two jobs for those two weeks. I told my current boss that I will be trying to start a new job when school ends but I don't know how much is willing to find someone else for those few weeks. She says she understands that I have to secure a job for the summer since they won't need someone. I hope so. Working for both jobs would be hard, especially since that's supposed to be a break. I just have a problem saying no. sigh.....

On the positive - 6 more school days!

Seven more class days.....

I am wishing the semester were over. The end of the semester is always so hard. I find myself wishing for it to end and can't seem to find the desire to keep going. It feels like end of the semester burn-out. I don't think I'm alone in this because the parking lot appears a little less full each day. I think people begin missing towards the end of the semester because it just becomes so difficult to keep up the intensity. I will be so very glad when I graduate. 14 more months, Lord willing.....

We had a really good weekend with the family for Daddy's birthday. We held his party a week early so that my oldest sister could attend. It was good to be with everyone, although, Steven and I both woke up tired today because of the weekend with the family. But we are so glad we were able to celebrate Daddy's birthday. Mama barbecued chicken the way Grandaddy used to make it. It took everyone back to past days of family fun and we spent some time reminiscing.

There really isn't much to report since all I've been doing is studying, writing, working and attending class. I think another reason it becomes hard to keep going is the monotony of it all and the overwhelming amount of work there is still left to day at the end of the day. sigh.... I'll try in my next post not to be so depressing!

Last push...

Today is officially the one month mark to the end of the semester. Finals will be over by this time next month. This is a little bitter-sweet for me though. I am so glad we are nearing the end but there are so many things to do in the next few weeks, I don't know how I will survive. I can look forward to actually sleeping again in about 4 weeks, so this is a good thing. I don't remember when I woke up last and wasn't tired. Such is life.

Before then end of the semester I mush finish my research and write my 12 pages- not a major feat, but it must be good, very good. Actually, I have to have the 1st draft done this Friday. I'm praying for a miracle. I also have my Sam Houston project to do, which means I must finish that 400 pg. book. Not easy with all of the "usual" reading I already have to worry about. Then of course I'll have finals. And probably between the end of the semester and now, I'll have at least one more essay for my English class. Which reminds me, I have one last major essay for one of my history classes due two weeks from now which means I must finish that book by the end of the week. major SIGH....

AND- I am still dealing with working and the weekly grind of home and hearth. Ok, ok, I don't have it that bad but I am feeling overwhelmed. Mainly because I am just tired.

On a less dismal subject, my sister and I have been enjoying having a couple of evenings of cookouts with our husbands. The weather has been nice so Friday after my nephew's t-ball game my brother-in-law grilled hotdogs at our apartment complex. It was so much fun, grilled again Sunday night while the nephew spent the night with my mom. Ok, I know what people are thinking - if I just wasted a paragraph lamenting my school tasks and lack of time, how do I have time for enjoyment? Well, you gotta eat right? You can't work every second of the day! And I did spend all, and I mean ALL of Saturday at the library. Quit judging me! :) (completely kidding!)

I am feeling tired but I am being urged on by the pull of graduation. 15 months to go and I will be a certified highschool English and History teacher. And then I'll be making the big bucks!!!! :P

Long time gone...

It has been a long time since I posted so I will do a quick "chetchup" as my triplets say. So much is going on right now with school that I'm pretty stretched as far as time goes. The end of the semester is coming and I'm counting down the days! So I'll divide this post to try to cover everything.

Spring Break: It was fabulous!!! Going to the mountains was a great experience, as always. Steven took a lot of good pictures that I will try to put up when I can. Unfortunately our camera got smashed on one of our last days of our trip. It will still take pictures but you can't view them on the screen. It took the brunt of the smashing. The flash doesn't work either so we will have to replace the camera whenever funds permit. (it will be a while....)
Visiting the family was so good. Makiko is a precious, precious baby. I got to hold her quite a bit, and for this I am so grateful. Seeing Melissa made me realize that we share something that shouldn't be taken for granted. She's so special to me. It really doesn't matter how long we have been apart, we can still laugh (hard) at absolutely nothing and everything at the same time like we always have. Leaving her was probably the most emotional part of the trip because we have shared so much together growing up, as teenagers and as adults in college. And we share tastes apparently because the new couch she and Hai just bought is the same design as our couches we got when we first were married! That was a funny coincidence. Or was it a coincidence? oooOOOooo!
The trip was great and as all vacations I go on, I am not content when I get home. I am not satisfied and still want to be going places and doing things other than work and school. sigh... but now I have graduation to look forward to, which leads me to.....

School: School is pretty good these days, just very, very busy. I'm enjoying it in a way that I never have. This is by far my hardest semester but it's my best as well. I'm doing better than I ever have. I pray I can keep up this momentum over the next year. I was advised last week and found out I will graduate August 2009, just a year and a few months away!!! If I weren't getting my teaching certificate I would graduate this december but I need my certificate. I actually want to do something that deals with history or english so I'll stay the extra semester to get my certificate. Plus, College Station is opening a new high-school next year!!! This would be a great opportunity for us! So I'm counting down the days to the end of the semester, and the months to graduation and a "real" job.

Family: The family is good. Daddy was in the hospital for a week because of his legs but he seems to be doing much better. The last I talked to him, he was in good spirits and was feeling motivated to make some changes. He actually quit dipping snuff COLD TURKEY! This was a major, major event that I am thankful to have witnessed. He had been dipping for well over 20 years. Yay Daddy! I got to spend a day with him in the hospital and we had some really good talks about some research I've been wanting to do about the church. Hopefully that will develop into something fruitful. We'll see.

Gotta run to class as always!!!